Vanessa Sings

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

2012-02-17T00:27:00.000-06:00

Hi guys....

So, we live in Colorado now.

My wonderful computer has completely crashed....again. So I will give a full update once everything is up and running. Also, please check out our new blog J&V in CO. A quick synopsis of the move so far: There's been a little drama, some mountain climbing, and lots of adventure. Loving it so far!

(much) more to come!

xoxo,
V

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all photos personal unless stated otherwise

Lookie! I'm makin' stuff =)

2011-12-18T18:16:00.002-06:00

I'm just gonna say it; I have been borderline depressed lately. Relationship meltdown + Best Friend Breakup + Potential Move to COLORADO (more on that later!) = Stressed out & just not in a good place right now.

So, what do you do when you need to de-stress? Bottle of wine? Calorie binge? (Or maybe that's just me...) This weekend I chose a healthier way to recoup. Have you joined Pinterest yet? It's my new favorite online addiction. This Saturday, I wrote out a supply list for a few projects I'd pinned and headed to Hobby Lobby. Craftiness ensued.

Simple Bracelets:

Before: Charms, Embroidery Floss, Scissors, & Suede Laces.

The End Result: Look how pretty!

Mantra of the Moment: Be creative. Do something positive every day. Don't be Eeyore.

xoxo,
V

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Easy & informative tutorial here. I swapped out the embroidery floss for soft suede for a few of the larger charms. http://pinterest.com/

*All Photos Personal

In a perfect world...

2011-12-01T00:56:00.000-06:00

...I'd begin every morning with lots of snuggles from my two favorite animals.

The weather would be 70 and sunny, with lots of color!

I would spend my days in laughter, song...and maybe a dance or two.

...maybe someday

When covering your ass crosses the line

2011-11-10T00:07:00.000-06:00

The nicest thing I have to say about the Sandusky/Paterno situation is this; There is NO grey area when it involves children. If people would have had the morality to take their suspicions to the police immediately, how many victims would have been spared? This world makes me sick sometimes. Cover up abuse to save face for a University? Really?

It is our job as adults to do the right thing and speak up for those who cannot defend themselves. Abuse of power seems to be running rampant these days, although I'm not naive enough to believe this is anything new.

The Grand Jury presentment is shocking and offensive and I can't help but think that most of these horrible acts could have been completely avoided. I made it through the first two pages.

Photobooth Fun

2011-10-08T15:13:00.000-05:00

Last night, I attended the wedding of a dear friend of mine. It was perfect! The ceremony was appropriate and very true to the couple, it was less about traditions and expectations, and more about the two of them and their love for each other.

Unfortunately, there was a giant pillar and a photographer in the way for most of the evening, so I didn't get to take as many pictures as I would have liked. The couple opted for one of my favorite wedding trends, a photo booth. Photo booths are so much fun and provide a great parting gift for your guests. My only complaint? Not a fake mustache in sight! Maybe next time =)

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photo cred

Ode to 303

2011-10-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

Dear Colorado,

I love you because...

xoxo,

V

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*all photos personal unless otherwise noted

In other news...

2011-09-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

Have a great rest of your week/weekend, folks! I'm off on a little roadtrip to Denver with the bf and his mom & little sis. Oh, don't worry...there will be pictures. ;-)

Enjoy!

xoxo,

V

Shine a little light

2011-09-26T20:02:00.003-05:00

I feel that I have been living under a little bit of a rain cloud as of late.

For the most part, I am blessed with a great family, supportive co-workers, fun friends and a man I love very much. Over the past month or so, however, I have allowed myself to be caught up in negativity. Here's what I'm learning;

As we age, our life experiences shape us. Up to a certain point, we are who we have been raised to be. The timing is different for everyone, but I believe there comes a moment when each person becomes aware of the flaws of their upbringing. Then there is a choice to be made. You can either accept things the way they are and always have been and continue along the beaten path, or do something a little fearless. You can change. Appreciate the past for what it was, a lesson in life, and strike out on your own.

I'd like to write a bit about marriage. (Have I lost my audience yet?) I find few positive paintings of marriage in western culture. Tabloids are filled with pages of cheating starlets and 72 hour celebrity marriages, Primetime is wrought with sit-coms chronicling frustrated wives and their foolish husbands as they navigate their way through the life they've resigned themselves to. Maybe it's just the recession talking, but it seems to me that making the best of it is the name of the game these days.

How did we get here? Television programs like The Bachelor (and many others like it) draw millions of viewers but same-sex unions between people who actually know and love one another are destroying the sanctity of marriage? Really? Something about that just doesn't vibe with me. Call me old fashioned, but I don't want to 'win' the man of my dreams by being the final contestant on a reality show. I'll keep my fairy tales.

I was raised to believe in marriage. My parents have been married for 30 years and in all that time, I can remember only witnessing one major argument. It was about money and it was the first time I'd ever heard a profane word come out of my father's mouth. My family is not necessarily wealthy, but we've always had enough. I'd never wanted for anything, mostly because I was raised to be grateful for what I have and to place my value not in material possessions, but elsewhere. Faith in God is and always has been the cornerstone of my family. It was obnoxious at times, because I couldn't tattle on my little sister without being reminded never to "create strife", but I am thankful beyond words to have been raised to know the meaning of true, agape, love.

I am not into the idea of needing a person to complete me. I have a God who loves me and did not make me with a few missing pieces. I am an ever changing, living, breathing example of His grace and compassion. My life has a purpose, just as all do. When I find myself fearing that my life without my boyfriend would be empty, it's a reality check for me. I am not where I need to be in my walk with the Lord. Relationships shouldn't define us, they should bless and edify our lives. If I am hit by a bus tomorrow, I would hate to think that I would be remembered only by titles via my Facebook profile; Teacher, Singer, Blogger, Josh's Girlfriend. Yikes! These things are amazing, important parts of my life, but they are not my sole purpose and motivation for living.

My goal should be to live in such a way that people are pointed to Him by the love pouring out of me. I don't want to be preachy, because I don't think that is what we are called to be. Somehow, "Go and spread the Good News.." has turned into shoving religion down people's throats or ostracizing them for thinking differently. Whatever happened to leading by example?

With each passing year, I find myself a little less the hopeful romantic I claim to be. I struggle with a need to know. I overanalyze things and people which robs me of the joy and surprise of learning something new. Nothing seems natural anymore. It takes courage and faith to release oneself from the worry of tomorrow and focus on the blessings of today...I fear I'm lacking both.

Instead of letting ourselves be bogged down by the flaws and failures of the world, my wish is to focus on that which is good and perfect. I believe in the healing power of love and of music, because it is Love that saved me and continues to sustain me, even in my most cynical and darkest of moments. Each day is a precious gift, and I long to spend the remainder of mine surrounded by the ones for which my very heart beats.

Maybe it's the daydreamer in me who wishes to think only on the positive. Instead of the constant panic of the nonsense of this world. I feel homesick, and I look forward to the day when our time on earth with all make sense. I am certain of one thing; there is meaning it all, each heartbreak, each burned bridge, each moment of laughter at a favorite song heard on the radio and the list goes on. Although society is wrought with addiction, deceit and divorce, doesn't mean there is a place in my future for any of those. Life is what you make it. Really.

& here's the quote that began this entire rambling:

"Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner."
- Amy Bloom

...I think that about sums it up. =)

xoxo,

V
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Songs:
"Out of Nowhere" Miles Davis
"Across the Stars" (Love Theme from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones) John Williams
"With or Without You" Vitamin String Quartet
"Butterflies & Hurricanes" Muse
"Today" Joshua Radin
"Time" Billy Porter

So long sweet summer

2011-09-19T18:47:00.001-05:00

Autumn weather is headed our way, bringing cooler temperatures and.....

HUSKER FOOTBALL, BABY!

I love this time of year. Fall always seems to fill my weekends with good food, great music, and amazing people. This past weekend Joshua and I were lucky enough to see the Lincoln Symphony Orchestra's opening performance of the season, Cirque de la Symphonie, at the Lied Center for the Performing Arts here in Lincoln. The Orchestra played many well loved pieces, and were accompanied by artists from Cirque du Soleil. It was terrifyingly beautiful. Good music makes my heart happy, and I must say, the human body can do some amazing things. The Cirque performers turned acrobatics into an art form. I was blown away to say the least.

We have also recently reconnected with an old friend of Josh's from back in the day. I had a blast getting to know him and his wife. Last weekend, the four of us met up with a couple of my co-workers at Mary's Place (local dive/biker bar) and had a great time drinking gin and tonics and dancing to the cover band that was playing.

Good times had by all.

Welcome, Autumn! Stay awhile, I'm really enjoying you so far =)

xoxo, V

*all photos personal

Ringo, you're a Star.

2011-09-19T17:42:00.000-05:00

Josh's beloved pet, Ringo the dumbo rat, is approaching his second birthday and isn't doing so well. He has little rat tumors =(. Now listen, I may not be the world's biggest fan of rodents as pets. at. all. But this little guy is Josh's pet and he's raised him since he was an even littler guy. It's sweet, sort of.

Given the circumstances, I thought it would be good to get a few pictures of Josh and his little buddy. Here are a few photos we shot this weekend.

I must admit, that's a pretty sweet face.

Look at these handsome guys!

*all photos personal

[A little more than] Two Cents

2011-09-12T21:55:00.000-05:00

My sweet love-

If I could push a button and erase the doubt in your mind,

about family and relationships and faith,

I would.

If I could cut a deal to take your pain as my own,

I wouldn't hesitate.

I wish I had a looking glass,

or a genie with a magic wish.

I'd take you with me far away,

into the future that could be,

and will be if you let it.

I see friendship,

family,

laughter,

love.

This world holds so much good for you,

my dearest friend.

Great success will come to you,

happiness is yours for the taking!

...if you could only get out of your own way.

Don't deny the ones who love you,

just because holding a piece of your heart

puts you at risk to have it broken.

People will always let you down,

place your trust in the One who made you.

He knows you best of all and loves you

exactly where you are.

I've loved you so long

but He's loved you longer.

Forgive me for thinking I knew better.

My intentions were pure but my execution-

poor.

If I could ask one thing of you,

please stay awhile.

Ride it out,

don't lose hope.

Come what may.

Let's take this journey,

this chance,

this adventure.

Sink or swim.

I love you more than I can reason.

Will you ever know?

10 years later

2011-09-11T02:15:00.001-05:00

The kiddos made this last week.
Although they weren't around to have memories of September 11, 2001, I wonder if they realize how much it affects their lives.

Just an observation, whether it be watching the news or listening to a casual conversation, I am stunned by the amount of prejudice that has been allowed to persist in our culture and around the world. Why does it take a tragedy (or a sporting event) to pull people together? Each day is a chance for change and to spread some positivity around this place. I am thankful for the good in this world, let us focus on the things which bring about joy. It seems we're headed for demise, be it from rising temperatures or nuclear weapons, so why waste time bogged down with fear and regret? I refuse to let my mind be so stuck in the past that I miss out on the beauty of the present. In whatever time we have, let's make it count.

It's been ten years, friends.
What have we learned?

*all photos personal

So there.

2011-08-30T01:00:00.000-05:00

2011-08-29T01:52:00.001-05:00

The weekend is officially over; I miss it already. This weekend I had the pleasure of attending a dear friend's wedding. I am beyond happy for her; she never fails to bring a smile, or a shot of tequila, to my lips. That's the kind of woman she is, so down to earth. During the ceremony, when things were getting a little serious, she flubbed a vow or two, providing the perfect amount of comedic relief and even had the pastor cracking jokes. I love moments like that. Real life, real love. Neither one needs perfection in order to be beautiful.

Look how handsome he is! Those eyes...*swoon*
Too bad I couldn't center the photo!

Another not so perfect picture of us...I kinda like it.

The happy couple!
What a lovely family they make.

The groom's daughter, the flower girl, how adorable is she?

First dance
He loves her so.

Happy Monday, everybody! Let's make it a great week.
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all photos personal

Baby, You and I

2011-08-23T23:54:00.000-05:00

Really diggin' this tune right now. Most likely due to the Nebraska shout out and the fact that it's such a different style for her. I love my cool Nebraska guy, too.

Hope you're all having a great evening and safe and sound. It's a crazy world out there, folks. Natural disasters and terroristic threats abound. Josh and I are cozied up on the couch after a great workout at the boxing gym watching Craig Ferguson on CBS. What is your nightly ritual?

Oh, and by the way...

2011-08-22T23:19:00.000-05:00

I just want you all to know that I just chipped a tooth on a piece of SUSHI. I don't know who, I don't know where, but I must have done something to somebody to deserve this awful karma. OVER it. Who wants to donate to the "Vanessa needs to fix her car/computer/tooth/relationship/life" fund?

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Songs:
"Hate My Life" Theory of a Deadman
"All or Nothing" Theory of a Deadman

I heart the zoo!

2011-08-22T22:15:00.002-05:00

Last weekend Josh & I drove to Omaha with his mother, Dixie, to the Henry Doorly Zoo. The weather was perfect! A day at the zoo was a great change of pace from our usual weekend activities (read: lay around the house and do nothing because it's too hot to commit to an entire day of being outside).

Did you know my name means butterfly in Hebrew?
I've always loved them!

another beautiful butterfly

I think this guy is so cool.
He seemed to be studying the zoo patrons just as much as we were studying him.

Begging for peanuts.

No photo editing needed for this one.
The Lord makes animals in the most beautiful of colors.

The Aquarium is by far my favorite place.
I could stay there all day.

I didn't capture a very high quality photo of this guy.
I didn't take very many pictures in the aquarium because I was too busy enjoying it!

The object of my affection.

yup. matching sunglasses.

In short, if you are in the area and have not yet visited the Henry Doorly Zoo, it is well worth the drive and the $13 admission. Every mile a memory.

*all photos personal unless otherwise noted

Breaking up is hard to do

2011-08-20T19:54:00.000-05:00

Love this song. Hate that I understand the lyrics in a way I never could before. Emo post, much? Sorry all, that's where I am at the moment. Enjoy the music.

oh, Hi there!

2011-07-28T00:05:00.000-05:00

...just sayin'.

xoxo,

V

Three o'clock.

2011-06-18T04:18:00.001-05:00

If my life were a reality show, tonight's episode would feature a makeup-less me, sitting alone in my apartment, snoring puggle at my feet. You would see me walk around in various states of undress, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. Failure. In attempt to distract my restless mind, I turn on the computer and navigate directly to my hulu queue, hoping to be lulled to sleep by the adolescent drama of Pretty Little Liars (I have no shame).

The first set of commercials is nearly over when the screen freezes. Great. Restart the computer. Check the security system, firewall and malware protection turned off? Amazing, how long has this been going on? Thanks for the heads up, McAfee. Screen freezes again, shortly followed by the blue screen of death. Expletives abound.

Now it's 4 in the a.m. and the only thing I've managed to do is ramble my way through this post on my phone, cursing the person who convinced me using swype on a touchscreen phone was a good option for me. I just had to type the word "option" 5x before it understood that I was not trying to say "litton", whatever the eff that means.

Also, I now desperately need the wen haircare system thanks to Alyssa Milano and this half hour infomercial.

I am coming to the realization that alone time is not working for me right now. All of this "space" is suffocating me. That's my obvious observation of the night.

No one would watch this reality show.

No xoxo tonight kiddos, it's more like...

@#*&!,

V

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& so she went to bed with only her sunburn to keep her warm...

2011-06-13T23:37:00.000-05:00

All photos personal

...and slipped into a dream of brighter days spent with the one she loves.

Nebraska is where my roots have grown deep. I love my family and friends and as trite as it may sound, there really is no place like home. Lately my heart has grown restless. Sleep evades me and I find myself constantly searching for the exit to the routinized existence that has become my life. I feel a storm brewing in my soul, it's time to go...but this time, I don't want to do it alone.

Nothing is for certain. If I've learned anything over the past few years it is that my carefully constructed plans have a way of turning themselves into complete chaos, and my stumblings have a way of turning themselves into great memories, life lessons, and the happiest of accidents. There is perfection in the disorganized randomness of my life.

Time for a change in scenery?

Colorado looks good on us, no?

Someday, maybe.

We shall see.

xoxo,

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Songs:
"Falling" Florence And The Machine
"Hometown Glory" Adele

le sigh

2011-06-06T21:26:00.000-05:00

Ah, you guys. Things are kind of sucky right now.

Tauri the Taurus is a goner. My beloved car (may she rest in peace) is no more. We've finally come to the point in our relationship where it's either time to put a lot of work into her or call it quits. I had to make a judgement call and I just can't justify spending more than the value of the car to replace the transmission. Sad face. Now I'm dealing with the buy another clunker vs. take on a car payment debate. I freaking hate making decisions, y'all. To make matters worse, while I hem and haw around, I am switching between borrowing my parents'volvo and relying on the boyfriend to haul me around. I feel like a nuisance and a little bit of a failure because I don't have the financial freedom to resolve the situation immediately.

I'm a big fan of gameplans, and right now the name of the game is save as much dinero as possible. Mind you, this breakdown landed smack in between my birthday and our (soon to be blogged about) Colorado trip. Happy fun times. It's just been one of those eff my life weeks, and it's only Monday! So, if you, my dear readers, could send a happy thought my way...Gosh, I'd really appreciate it.

Tauri,

We've been through a lot, old girl. You took me to college, made the Neb-TX drive so many times without breaking down on me...ever, and served as hideout during my freshmen year lunch breaks when I didn't know a soul in town and would cry over my Chik-fil-a waffle fries. I made new friends and drove them around in you. You served as the backdrop to many a break up/make up. Your radio always knew how to play the perfect song at the perfect time to cheer me up, or inspire me to write a blog. I think I even spent a night or two in the backseat when I was too broke to afford a hotel room that night in Austin. Come to think of it, thank you Tauri (and baby Jesus!) for keeping me safe that night in Austin.

You will be missed, my jelly bean shaped car, thanks for the memories.

xoxo,

[birthday] wishes come true

2011-06-04T13:03:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know. I haven't posted in awhile...again. I'm not lacking in material, just the time/motivation to sit down and type it all! I will do better, I promise. Until then, there are a few photos from my birthday on the 21st of May. I'm 24 now...eep!

After dinner at Carmela's (very happy Vanessa)

My bday present from Joshua

I didn't really believe in the whole "Judgement Day 5.21.11" thing
...but we watched these clouds carefully, just in case ;-)

May 21 is also Penny Lane's "gotcha day!"
It's been a crazy year, but we love her soooo much!

Nothing like a birthday serenade from my love.

Freedom of Speech: ...and that's all I've got to say about that.

2011-05-09T19:22:00.000-05:00

Maybe I'll readdress this topic once it's died down a little bit but for now, this is what I need to say;

Let's say there were only two options available, two buttons I could press. The first button would be "Osama Bin Laden lives" and the second, "Osama Bin Laden dies", I would press the second. Hands down, 100%. I just wouldn't throw a party and revel in his demise after pressing it.

Unfortunately, there are some people in this world who by their very existence, inhibit the lives of others. This man was one of them. I do recognize the fact that we are flawed creatures and I don't expect us to all hold hands and sing Kumbaya as we respect and appreciate one another's differences. I do know that I serve a God who looks beyond our differences and flaws and sees us as the beauteous beings of His creation. He loves us all. No exceptions. So, while I won't be mourning the loss of a tyrant of a man responsible for unfathomable death and pain, I will also not presume that dying at the hands of our military is his ultimate punishment. True justice and judgement comes from the Lord. A Navy Seal has nothing on Him.

I am not presuming to speak for God. I hate it when people do that. Radicals and Charismatics with posters in hand telling us all with their sharpies which groups of people "God Loves" or "God Hates". Ridiculous. All I'm saying is that in my lowly opinion, I think situations like this break His heart. The whole thing is unfortunate. It is sad to me that hate exists in such a real way in this world. I remember September 11, 2001 and it was and continues to be a devastating day in the history of the United States.

I am excessively proud to be an American. I owe a debt of gratitude to the troops who have made my way of life possible. I love the freedom that we enjoy in the states and I wouldn't know what to do if it is ever lost. I pray that I will never have to find out. I'm just not closed-minded enough to believe that we as a country have any more value than the lives of others on the planet.

That's all. Let's see how much flack I get for this one.

i can haz bangs?

2011-05-02T21:02:00.000-05:00

It was time for something new.

Whadda ya think?

May 1, 2011

2011-05-01T23:55:00.019-05:00

Image via Michael Appleton/ NY Times

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

-Martin Luther King, Jr

So, how was your day?

2011-04-25T17:54:00.001-05:00

Artwork by one of my kiddos. "miss vanessa the freak-out-a-saurus". I do not heart mondays and cars dying. Sad face.

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He is risen, indeed.

2011-04-24T05:50:00.001-05:00

Every day is a chance to start anew.Just because I've failed in the past, doesn't make me a hypocrite for recognizing flaws in the morality of my generation and striving for something more. We have been offered Grace, whether or not we choose to accept Him is up to us.I want to be set apart, not in the aggressive, elitist manner exhibited by many "christians", but separated from fear and pride; I want a heart which seeks to point people to my God through actions more than word. This is my plea and the cry of my heart from the bottom of a soul desperately in need of saving.We are blessed beyond blessed, whether we realize it or not.

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Yet We Still Remain: a thought on soulmates

2011-04-23T00:46:00.014-05:00

Joshua met his soul mate last night.

Aaron Lewis is the lead singer of Staind, and is the eerily similar to my guy. For example, one would expect rocker with a certain level of success to strut onto stage, drink in hand, and immediately start working the crowd...insert curse words here. This guy kind of slowly wanders onto the stage, hot tea in hand and admits, after a few casual strums of his scratched up guitar, that he's trying to figure out where to start. I bet he's still a bajillionaire.

I have to tell you, I was slightly thrown off by the whole thing. I'm not used to attending a concert where the crowd screams out requests to the artist and in between sips of his Fuji water and drags of his Marlboro Reds, he responds, "Really?" and then plays them. In fact, most of the songs he played last night were covers. Everything from "Nutshell" by Alice in Chains to (30 seconds of) "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys. It felt more like an open mic night than a concert. I can dig it.

The performance reminded me of the summer after my freshman year in college when I would sit in the garage of my high school friend's older brother and listen to my best friends in the entire world pass around the guitar and sing anything and everything. I was blessed to meet my soul mates in high school "singin' and dancin' class" back in 2003, still referred to as SDC. We bonded over a shared love for entertaining and being unabashedly obsessed and immersed in music. Through the years, we've kept in touch and our reunions, although increasingly infrequent, feel like we've never missed a beat.

Last night, we arrived at the casino a little earlier than was necessary and had ample time to waste a few dollars at the slot machines and eat an overpriced and under-seasoned dinner at the buffet before taking our place in line at the door. I stepped out of line for a moment and when I returned, Josh was making easy conversation with the two people waiting in line behind us. They were a brother and sister duo from Iowa, and huge Staind fans. Josh and the guy bonded instantly, mostly due to the ability men have to talk football stats with complete strangers. The fact that they were both sporting Red Sox caps probably didn't hurt either.

After a couple hours, we made our way into the convention room and sat next to these people we had only just met, talking with ease as if we were old friends. While waiting for Aaron to take stage, we traded stories and jokes; she showed me pictures of her young son and expressed how much she missed him, even though she was only going to be away for the night. Not to be shown up, I boasted my mobile pics of Penny the Puggle. Bask in the cuteness. During the concert, I looked over and saw tears streaming down her face and felt a genuine connection with this woman who, until hours before, was a stranger to me.

Music is a superpower. It communicates and unites us in ways that simple spoken word cannot. To me, there is nothing in the human experience that is so intimate as music.

At evening's end, we parted ways from our new found friends without exchanging numbers or last names; there was no need. I felt closer to Joshua and was reminded of all of the reasons why I love him. Aaron Lewis has been the soundtrack to our relationship, even before it began...but that's a post for another sleepless night. For me, this night was about more than the rekindling of my adoration for my boyfriend; I was reminded of my need for the innocent expression of music. It was a lesson for my soul.

There is reason in the random. I believe this life is more fated than accidental. I am not so closed minded to think that there is only one finite plan for each of us but rather, an ever-evolving path leading us to God and to one another. At this point, I haven't the wisdom or the inclination to say whether or not my beau and I will be meant for each other in the end. All I know is that for whatever reason, our journeys have intersected in a way that is unmistakably real. I've never known a love like this.

As I sit here typing this (excessively long) post, listening to the two songs he didn't play at the concert, I have only one thought running through my head. To my dearest friend, despite an uncertain future;

...how long has it been since this story line began?

And I hope it never ends

and goes like this forever...

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All photos personal

Songs:

"Vicious Circles"

"Country Boy"

"Epiphany"

-Aaron Lewis & Staind (duh) =)

I just wanna be HAPPY

2011-04-15T09:06:00.003-05:00

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.

- Anaïs Nin

Last night, I had a picture perfect date with this handsome guy I know. I am sometimes in awe of how kind he can be. We had dinner at a local Indian restaurant which I've been meaning to try, and we were one of three couples in the entire place. The atmosphere was intimate and quiet and perfect for the mood I was in. The majority of my evening was filled with good food, great wine, and dozens of kisses from the sweetest lips I've ever known.

Afterwards, we headed off to a bar I used to frequent in my silly single days to see a friend visiting from San Francisco. If I have learned one thing, it is that my guy does not like the bar scene. If not for the visiting friend, I would have gladly stayed home, cozied up, and listened to the thunderstorm, but my roommate wanted me to accompany her and I am a firm believer that little harm can come from trying to make someone happy. Wrong-o. Although we stayed for less than two hours, it really put a damper on the evening and on his mood. I woke up this morning feeling disheartened and more than a little irritated. Why is it that out of an entire evening, two hours of less than perfect-ness can overshadow all the happy?

I am choosing to make today a good day. It's raining and dreary, my dog just tracked mud all over my doorway and across my lap, I'm typing this post instead of blow-drying my hair which means I'll probably be running late for work (again) this morning, but y'know what? It's okay. That's life. I'm going to choose to smile instead of pout at the dark clouds in my life, because I know I am blessed and loved unconditionally. God didn't put us on this earth to be miserable and count the days until we die. He wants us to enjoy our time on this planet, and be happy! (John 10:10)

Happiness is a choice, people. Get some!

xoxo,

When Words Fail...

2011-04-13T21:35:00.002-05:00

...Music Speaks.

[almost] Wordless Wednesday

2011-04-06T21:46:00.004-05:00

Happy "Hump" Day, friends!

Here are a few photos that have kept me smiling this week!

It's gonna be a bright....bright, bright sun-shiny day!

Gin Martini. Very dirty. 3 olives, please.

...shaken, never stirred.

I miss this handsome mug!

(uploaded upside-down for some reason...whatevs, I'm leaving it that way)

While cleaning his apartment, Joshua found a letter I wrote to him while he was away in the Navy. Those old feelings, like my messy penmanship, remain the same. *swoon*

Only a few more days till T.G.I.F, people!

We can do this!

What keeps you inspired?

xoxo,

-----------------------------------------------

Songs:

"I Can See Clearly Now" Johnny Nash

"I Wish You Were Here" Owl City

"Tanged Up In You" Aaron Lewis (Staind) Can't wait to see him in a few weeks!

*All photos personal unless stated otherwise

Mantra of the Moment: A Heart Like Mine

2011-04-04T22:55:00.006-05:00

Lately, it seems as though I am constantly reminded of my flaws. Each glance in the rearview mirror reveals scars and my overall lack of pigment. Each morning en route to the shower, the bathroom mirror reminds me that I am not where I'd like to be. I can say with certainty that now is the time of my life in which I have the least confidence in my overall appearance, but you know what I have discovered?

I have a lot of confidence in me. I have learned to trust my heart. To trust that I have a heart that wants to do good. Even when the outcome is not what I wish it to be, I have good intentions. I'm learning to accept that I'm not for everyone. And that's okay. In regard to this blog, I appreciate my few followers for their genuine interest. I tend to be a little sporadic with my posting, and Lord knows I tend to over-punctuate (i heart commas), but I hope there is something here that you can enjoy, laugh at, or identify with. The internet is an amazing place, isn't it?

I'll leave you with my favorite song of the moment. Music and language are true wonders of our world. I find magic in them.

xoxo,

-------------------------------------

Songs:

"Heart Like Mine" Miranda Lambert

Image:

From my Android phone & edited via Picnik

Please baby Jesus, send me to Ireland. P.S. I love you.

2011-04-03T19:55:00.008-05:00

Wow. April already? Time flies when you're doing absolutely nothing with your life. Okay, so that's not true but it feels like it sometimes. Don't mind me, I've been under the weather this weekend and Josh is away with his best friend in Alabama...drinking coffee, smoking cigars and most likely using deplorable grammar. For those of you who think I'm being judgmental, I tell you this; literally every time he has called me since his departure, he has told me he is "fixin' to" do one thing or another. ;-)

My genius plan to cheer myself up while the bf is away for nine days? Keep busy. And then I got sick. Can't breathe. So after emptying my hulu queue and watching all nineteen episodes of My So-Called Life on Netflix, I decided on pizza and a movie. So, now I'm feeling guilty for the calories and crying while I watch P.S. I Love You. Genius plan=LOSING. I don't even like Hilary Swank. I mean, I know I'm supposed to support her success because she hails from my state and all, but I just can't see past the fact that her teeth take up half of the television screen. Good Lord, those chompers. On the plus side, I get Gerard Butler, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Harry Conick Jr. in the same flick. Amen.

Tomorrow is national time to go back to work day, also known as Monday, and although I'm sure it will suck as much as a normal Monday does, I am bound and determined to make something out of the next few days. It's gonna take some decongestant, tylenol, and a heck of a lot of caffeine...but I'm ready to get out of this apartment! Bring it on, world! ...but for now, I think I'll open a bottle of Moscato, snuggle up with Penny the puggle and complete my sad little single girl (not really) stereotype for the night. Or maybe a Guinness. Gotta love it.

How was your weekend, friends?

xoxo,

---------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Here Without You" 3 Doors Down

***I miss you JMD, dream date tonight? See you there, love.***

a little yin for my yang.

2011-03-15T00:31:00.013-05:00

So, I have decided that I just can't turn off my computer without posting something positive to counteract my negative purge of ridiculousness. (see previous post...or don't). This is what I've come up with:

Remember this face?

Well now it looks like this:

That's right! Penny the Puggle is all grown up and turning 1!

Penny's birthday is coming up on the 21st so I thought I'd share a few more recent photos of her first year with us; I love my ferocious little girl!

Little Miss Attitude

Yes, I'm one of those people who dress their dog.

She gets cold!

Penny's first snow. She's not a fan.

Right now she's cuddled up on the bed with me, stealing my covers and snoring away. Such a sweetheart.

Goodnight...er, morning! Here's to hoping my alarm clock finds me well rested and kind hearted in the morrow!

xoxo,

The "mean girl" in me.

2011-03-14T22:24:00.012-05:00

I know I have a lot to recap, as *oops* it's been another month since I've graced this lonely little corner of the internet with a fresh post. My apologies. However, instead of telling you about the sweet gifts I received for the [formerly] dreaded Valentine's day or telling you how Uncle Sam redeemed himself in my eyes with a much needed tax refund...I thought I would spend a few minutes while I finish my Guinness to do what Eeyores do best; complain.

I am having a Mean Girl Moment. It happens....oh, say....once a month...when, for some reason, something trivial sets me off. This time around, it's the lurking demon on everyone's bookmark bar...Facebook. Facebook is a wondrously evil invention of my generation, for it allows you to share every meaningless detail of your present while simultaneously making it next to impossible to truly escape your past.

How many Facebook "friends" do you have? I have 620. I just looked it up because, of course, I'm logged on at the moment. 620? Can this really be necessary? The sad thing is that my 620 seems modest compared to some users. If you ask me, this whole social networking thing is getting out of control.

Do we really need to make our friendship "Facebook official" if I met you once at a party 2 years ago and we have 7 friends in common? Sure. Where's the harm in that? My family? Of course, because how would they ever know what's going on with my life without reading it online? What?I'm supposed to pick up my phone and call them? No texting? Unheard of. But here's where it gets tricky; what about the family/friends of your significant other? Okay, it's a nice medium to share photos and stay in touch, but what happens when Josh and I are having a rough patch and I use this lovely little blog to vent about it? The ever informative Facebook links to this blog...it could get dangerous.

All of this rambling leads to this; my current Facebook-fueled issue comes in the form of a girl from Joshua's past. The situation is irrelevant at this time but it is sufficient to say there is a fair amount of bitterness attached to this chick, from all persons involved. (Of course it's mainly coming from me...didn't you read the title?!)

The issue is that after he ended contact with her, by my request, which I have mixed emotions on to this day; she started commenting on his page excessively. Very passive-aggressive. I'm not trying to paint the picture of a stalker a la Glen Close in Fatal Attraction, but just enough to be obnoxious to me and cause a few completely unnecessary argument between the two of us. He asked her to stop more than once, and she apparently couldn't handle the request.

Neither he nor I are "friends" with her anymore but we do have friends in common. So now every time I "comment" on one of their pages, she posts directly after me, without fail. Silly, right? Now, I fully admit I am beyond ridiculous for dedicating an entire post to this. Could I be over exaggerating the situation due to a hormonally enhanced protectiveness over my Joshua? It's probable. I have no illusions of my sanity at the moment. I just thought it better to channel my snarkiness into a post instead of unloading it all onto Josh's shoulders, who at the moment, is kind of being the perfect boyfriend. I love him mucho. I'm over the bitterness. I hate that this petty emotion has crept its way into my relationship and bred resentment between the two of us. Freakin' Facebook.

So, again, for the cheap seats; I am ridiculous. Facebook is ridiculous. And to this chick, may she ever stumble upon this ridiculous little post; it's enough already.

And in the momentarily hilarious words of Charlie Sheen;

"Sizzle! Losing! Bye!"

*Good Lord, I am ashamed of myself for this post. Anyone have a similar ridiculous annoyance to complain about and make me feel like less of a teenager?

xoxo,

---------------------------

Songs:

"Misery Business" Paramore

"Love is the only gold."

2011-02-14T15:25:00.001-06:00

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

Happy Valentines day to all the hopeFULL romantics out there.

Good love is definitely worth the wait.

Xoxo,
V

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Not feelin' the love

2011-02-10T19:59:00.006-06:00

Fair warning: I feel a rant coming on.

**Joshua...you should maybe skip this post...luv ya!**

Did you know there's this upcoming holiday called Valentine's day? It's a strange day where we gage our affection for one another based on how much stuff we give and receive; expensive dinners, jewelry, chocolates, flowers, the list goes on! Listen, I have a boyfriend whom I love and, in my opinion, an awesome present in mind for him for this year...I'm just worn out already!

I'm just gonna lay it out there; I like stuff. I like things that are shiny and sweet and expensive. What I don't like is being made to feel like a superficial soulless creature for liking the stuff! I also like intimate dinners at home, supermarket flowers, and handwritten love notes in lieu of expensive nights out. The old cliche is true on this one; it really is the thought that counts! The reason why the stereotypical Valentine's day stuff is meaningful is because it is given to you by someone who loves you enough to make the mundane classics seem new and as if the holiday was meant for only the two of you.

...but that's just my opinion.

I am admittedly over stressed right now and most likely somewhere on the bordering-on-a-nervous-breakdown spectrum. Wow. That's not dramatic at all. Listen, for the most part, my life is golden. I have all of my basic needs covered and I am loved and well cared for. I have a tendency to personalize the stress of others and I almost always take work home with me; when you work with children, it's hard not to.

I can tell Joshua is having a hard time right now. There is a lot of pressure placed on his shoulders around the holidays because he is unsure of how to to express his feelings to me in a way that won't disappoint. What he doesn't understand, even after several frustrating conversations, is that nothing he can ever do will be a disappointment to me if I am secure in his love for me. That's the key.

Right now, I'm in a place of knowing but not feeling. It sounds so corny and straight out of an NBC (boo) soap but I really don't know how else to word it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my man loves me. A lot. He loves me more than anyone else he has ever loved before. Trust me, I'm not that cool...he just thinks I am. Isn't that how it should be? The problem as of late is that I'm not really feelin' the love. The translation from head to heart just isn't happening lately, and I'm not sure who/what to blame. Work, health drama, $$$ (or lack thereof), car troubles, Josh, myself, or a poorly timed combination of all the above.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter who or what is to blame. I have a feeling that the dreaded V day will come and go and my relationship will remain intact. Things have a way of working out for us, despite my unnecessary thoughts of doom & gloom. I need to do my best to stay positive and focus on the things I can control, like my actions and the love I show to those around me. I need to *kindly* explain what I'm thinking and wanting, instead of expecting my sweet bf to be magically transformed into a freakin' mind reader. My bad.

Babe, if you're still reading this (even though I told you not to), I'm sorry. I love you. Pay no attention to the crazy lady with the computer.

I'll leave you with an only slightly sarcastic,

xoxo,

------------------------------------------

Songs:

"I need a lover" John Mellencamp

"I'd rather be with you" Joshua Radin

Affirmation: Forget Fear

2011-02-09T23:17:00.009-06:00

It is so good to have a God like mine. When my restless spirit keeps me from sleep, He has given his Word to calm me. I needed this verse tonight. The death of this world holds no threat for me; heaven is my home & not here. I can sleep soundly knowing that I am well cared for and loved beyond measure. I am so richly blessed.

"For GOD HAS not given us THE spirit of fear; but of POWER, and of love, and of a sound mind."

-2 Timothy 1:7

xoxo,

Mantra of the month: Don't be Eeyore.

2011-02-01T20:32:00.008-06:00

So, its been over a month since my last entry. Shame on me. Bad blogger. I have noticed that I am a much more prolific writer about matters of the heart than every day life. I certainly feel much more drawn to the keyboard when I've got something to complain or cry about than when life is good. How obnoxious is that?

This post will be a literary purge of sorts for me, then. For those of you who politely subscribe but don't truly care about all of the minutiae of my life, I'll summarize;

-Happy Birthday, Jesus

-New Year's SUCKED

-2011 is here and now I've got some work to do.

Christmas with the family was great. I love love love my Keurig coffee maker, thoughtfully given to me by my momma (no advertisement implied, I just really like that I can make my coffee one cup at a time rather than wasting an entire pot....but I digress). I received some snuggly pink amazingness from the bf in the form of fuzzy socks (fave!), fluffy robe (love!) and a giftcard to replenish my depleted underwear drawer (helpful safety tip; puppies love underwear...and they will find it no matter what it takes!).

Quite awhile ago I decided that I wanted to gift Joshua with a leather bible this year for Christmas. My mother gave my father his bible on their first Christmas as a couple and I thought it would be a meaningful tradition to continue. At the time, Josh had been using a bible handed down to him by a friend and although the physical appearance of the Word certainly doesn't matter as much as the truth inside, I thought it would be nice for him to carry a bible with his own name on the cover. =)

More than anything, I long for the Bible to be the foundation of my relationship. I want to grow in knowledge and in faith together because I believe it will only draw us closer to one another. Although we met at the same church, Josh and I differ, more than slightly, in our opinions of fellowship and in our knowledge of scripture. I do believe that we are after the same thing, and we can absolutely meet in the middle as long as we are both willing to hold each other accountable.

Fast forward a week and some change to NYE and I am miserably sick. As in, leaving work early and crying to my mom on the phone like a child because I have a 103 degree fever and can barely stay conscious. I rang in the new year with the chills, handfuls of painkillers, a sip at a time of gatorade, and the most caring man I've ever met in my life literally by my bedside. So, that's that.

Welcomed properly or no, the new year is here. I would like 2011 to be a year of change for me. I don't know if it's this below freezing weather (global warming, where are you??) or what, but I find myself growing tired of not-so-small town life here in Nebraska. While I've never been near a farm in my life, I do tire of running into people who have known me since forever and have already formed their opinions of me based on high school labels.

If I'm honest, I don't feel that I am living up to the expectations ascribed to me 5 years ago. Cheerleader. Performer. Honors Student. Scholarship Winner. I'm not sure exactly where I pictured myself half a decade out of high school, but I'm certain it's not here; still an undergrad with a full time job, car on the verge of expiring, and Lord, quite a few extra pounds on my waistline.

Ah! Here I go again, complain, complain, complain. I'm constantly reminding Joshua and MYSELF to not be Eeyore. The sun could be shining and I could still make you a list of the reasons why the rain is on it's way. Silly! Instead of listing the things about my life I would love to change, I want to CHANGE them. Starting now. 50 situps....aaaaand.....go!

XOXO,

"It's going to be easy...like peeling a turtle."

2010-12-24T12:00:00.005-06:00

Oh, how I love old Christmas movies!

For the past year, when it comes to movies, we just haven't seen eye to eye. Josh always goes for a slap-stick comedy, and although I do enjoy a little college humor every now and then, I usually prefer something with a little more of a complex storyline; a drama that lets me invest in the characters or even an action-packed thriller to keep me on the edge of my seat. In effort to stave off an hour long search on netflix trying to find a suitable compromise, we started with the claymation classics, The Year Without a Santa Claus, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. We both grew up watching them, so there was no conflict here. Besides, with narration by Fred Astaire and Burl Ives, what's not to like?

...and then I decided to take a chance. I set up his DVR to record two of my favorite Bing Crosby classics; White Christmas and Holiday Inn. Cuddled up on the couch with Penny in tow, I talked him into watching one. Imagine my elation as I saw him smiling and swooning along with me to the velvety smooth crooning of Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas. It was a perfect evening with my love.

The next day, I was surprised to recieve a voicemail from Josh asking me to come over for some cheese and crackers and "I thought we could watch that Holiday Inn movie". =) Now I don't know if he truly wanted to watch it, or he just knows how much I love the flick but either way, I have an amazing, handsome man who loves to see me happy. What more could a girl ask for?

I've learned many things over the past year; about relationships, Joshua, and myself. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned...or maybe re-learned, is that even the most love-filled relationships take work...and lots of it! I've learned that I don't mind a little struggle as long as it's constructive, and I have definitely learned that sometimes I need to take a step back and trust that my Joshua has my best interest at heart. He usually does. =)

Right now, this semi-cheesy quote is my mantra of the year:

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it."

-Harvey MacKay

Happy Holidays, everyone! I'm off to enjoy my Christmas Eve!

xoxo,

-----------------------------------------

Songs:

"Snow" from White Christmas

"White Christmas" Bing Crosby

"Here (In Your Arms)" Hellogoodbye

'Tis The Season

2010-11-28T18:05:00.005-06:00

...to be THANKFUL.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I spent mine with Joshua's family in the bustling metropolis of Fairbury, NE. It was great to meet his mother's side of the family. They are so different from my family in their traditions and small town upbringing, but on some level, sitting around the living room filled with collectibles and family photos, I felt very at home. In essence, a family is a group of people thrown together in life based on genetics and chance, who love each other...no matter what. His Grandparents have been married for 63 years...isn't that refreshing?

...to act impulsively.

So, I quit my job today. Actually, I gave notice at my second job that has been consuming my weekends, my social life, and my immune system. Why eliminate extra income during the holiday (read: $$$$$$$) season? I'm still trying to figure out if I regret this decision or not. To be honest, I know I can find another way to supplement my income if need be but for now, I would like to invest a little in my relationships.

The only time I spend with my family is the approximately 20 seconds (or less) it takes me to unleash my pup and shove her through the door of my parent's house. They are so kind to puppysit for me during my workdays. My little sister just turned 21 and my brother is a junior in high school. I feel that I check in less with them now than I did when I lived in Texas.

I miss my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I see him all the time, but we still struggle to put together enough quality time to be satisfied. Now that we both have our weekends back we can relax a little instead of having to coordinate schedules just to watch a little t.v. and fall asleep. I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturdays and maybe actually making it to church on Sunday instead of having to be at work by 7. It's the little things, folks.

"...what's worth the prize is always worth the fight."

2010-11-10T00:18:00.000-06:00

I know it hurts now,

but it's just growing pains, baby.

Love is nothing if not a work in progress,

and we are far from over.

The fear is not in the falling,

but in not having a safe place to land.

Lend me trust and I will earn it,

Give your heart to me and I will merge it with mine.

Trust me love, there is no safer keeping place.

Time is slipping away from us, dear one.

Every second flies by faster than the last.

In whatever time we have,

let's make our mark.

-----------------------------

Songs:

"If Today Was Your Last Day" Nickelback

Antici..(SAY IT!)...pation

2010-11-02T22:46:00.009-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I've posted on here and I guess my only real excuse is that my brain is so jumbled these days it's hard for me to sit down and try and organize my thoughts into something readable. Lame, right?

The past few weeks in a nutshell:

- I LOVE my job. Working with children, although not with

out its stresses, is what I was put on this earth to do, hands down. It fulfills me and pays the bills...that's what we call a win-win. =)

-While trying to be cute & carving our initials into a pumpkin, I sliced my finger open and triggered Joshua's phobia of small finger cuts. No stitches were required...but it was kinda funny watching him freak out. Good times.

-Josh & I attended our very first midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Halloween. I had seen the flick a few times but never in a theatre...it's a totally different experience, let me tell you. If you're easily offended..its not your scene, but it's lots of harmless fun nonetheless.

-Penny Lane the puggle is cuter (and naughtier) than ever.

-Josh landed a position he's been wanting for a long time. He was able to give notice at his current place of work today...I'll just summarize by saying this is a much needed upgrade. He deserves it. Yay!

We have been so blessed this week, it has us wondering what we did to deserve it. I think the answer is simple; God rewards patience. He is good (ALL the time!).

Welcome, Autumn. What else will you bring? I can't wait to find out.

Date Night Drama: From Bling to Breakdown

2010-09-22T21:31:00.010-05:00

Oh, hi there! I apologize for my absence. I was working two jobs and having no social life again, silly me, forgot to blog!

Josh and I are still doing the date night thing, this time we ventured to Granite City here in town. He told me to pick my favorite restaurant, but I over-analyzed (duh) and chose GC because I thought Josh would like it. End result? Neither of us were thrilled. My wine was great but let's face it, I always think the wine is great. After dinner was finished, we decided to skip dessert and get the check.

We headed to Carmela's Bistro and Wine Bar afterwards, and I must say, Carmela's saved the evening. The atmosphere is so welcoming; definitely upscale in prices and service, but I would have been comfortable in jeans and flats. We ordered creme brulee, a bottle of bubbly, and cuddled up at a cozy corner table. Josh couldn't wipe the grin off his face, so I knew something was up.

About halfway through the delicious dessert, he held my left hand and took off the cocktail ring I was wearing. When my confused eyes met his, I could see the candle light reflecting in the tears brimming in his baby blues. Before I knew it, out of my mouth comes, "Don't do it!". He asked what I meant and I blurted, "Don't propose!". He chuckled, told me not to worry and reached into his pocket and pulled out something delicate and very shiny.

A ring with diamonds, but not a diamond ring. I loved it. He told me I have his heart. I adore him. Luckiest girl in the world.

....and then my car broke down.

Life has a way of keeping you humble, doesn't it? I seem to go from floating on clouds to bawling my eyes out in seconds, I'm very stable that way. In any matter, my car is not dead. Tauri the Taurus lives to fight another day...with a brand new water pump expertly installed by Joshua's older brother. I live a charmed life, folks. I am blessed beyond imagination and always provided for.

I have a flare for the dramatic, as evidenced by most of my posts on this blog ;-) I wish I would have handled the the car situation better instead of letting stress and thoughts of dollar signs dancing in my head overtake the happy moment I was given. All I can say is that I'm working on it, I am always learning and trying to improve myself, luckily I have a man in my life who loves me "for [my] mess", as he describes it. That's more than enough for me =)

Here are some photos from our very eventful evening out:

-------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Maybe I'm Amazed" Paul McCartney

Welcome to Sicksville. Population....Me.

2010-09-01T23:42:00.007-05:00

Anyone can bring you flowers on the first date. Only true love shows up at your apartment after a long day at work with chicken noodle soup, cold medicine, cough drops, and mentholated chest rub.

My beau had a rough day today. First of all, he's moving into his new apartment and it has been raining on and off all last night and throughout the day. Then, on his way to work, his car key broke off in the ignition. Random, right? He had to call a locksmith and I don't understand everything it entailed, but he said something about his console being dismantled. No fun. On top of everything, my honey worked a long shift late into the night and yet, he still called me on his break to ask me how I was doing. Unbelievable. He asked if I needed anything, and started to make a list, even though I told him it was unnecessary.

This man then shows up at my door with all of the aforementioned medicines, rubs my feet and embraces me, ignoring my germ-ridden contagiousness and the pile of half-used tissues on my bed. Nicest. Boyfriend. EVER!

This is my life, people. I don't understand it. I should be helping Josh move into his new apartment but instead, I am the one being taken care of. I'm not used to being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment. Before he left this evening I asked him, "Are you always going to be like this? Like, taking care of me, bringing me stuff and being nice?" to which he smiled and answered, "Yes. I mean, I have my moments, but yeah. This is me."

It makes me proud to know that there are people in this world who are just genuinely and inherently good. It makes me blessed to know that I'm dating one of them. This is the boy I crushed on all throughout early adolescence. This is the sailor who stole my heart during my freshman year in college. This is the man who loves me more than anything and thinks I'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen.

Joshua Michael, you're the best. Now, stay away from me and my germs. I love you more!

xoxo,

Behold! The healing power of Date Night.

2010-08-31T02:16:00.000-05:00

The [AMAZING] boyfriend took me to dinner at JTK in the Haymarket this past weekend. Fabulous idea, if I do say so myself! We ate, we drank, we laughed, we made out like teenagers. Good times had by all. Afterwards, we took a little stroll to The Mill and Josh sipped his classic coffee while I enjoyed a perfectly frothy latte. So far, I'm a big fan of getting back to the basics.

Evidence of happiness is as follows:

----------------

Photos: Some straight off the camera phone, others edited on Picnik. I'm sure you can tell the difference ;-)

Songs:

"Anything but Mine" Kenny Chesney

"Let it be Me" Ray LaMontagne

Back to Basics

2010-08-30T01:23:00.005-05:00

Joshua and I have decided to start dating, which makes sense...because we're dating. Confused? Let me explain.

Now is a time of my life for assessment. Since I am clearly going to be in school until I DIE, I'm letting that one go for now. I'll just perpetually enroll in classes until they give me a diploma because they're sick of my face. Work is slowly sucking the life out of me as well, but for good reasons. This whole having two jobs, no day off and a microscopic social life thing is exhausting, but I know it will pay off in the long run.

This is the time of my life to work too hard, save as much as possible and prepare for the future. I'm getting Kindermusik at the Daycare center, which is amazing! I truly feel that God answers prayers in the most unexpected ways. I get to spend all day every day doing what I love to do and getting paid for it. Working with children is the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced, and has always been my calling. I don't know why I ever left the business...but it's so good to be back!

Due to the conflicts and conversations Josh & I have been having lately, we have decided to get back to basics. Because we have history, it was easy to fall fast. We quickly skipped past courtship and dove headfirst into the 'comfort zone' that comes with a long term relationship. The problem is, this isn't really all that long term at this point. Depending on which of us you ask, we've been together for 6-8 months. I don't place too much value on the actual date we started dating, because I have an inkling I could spend a big chunk of my life with this man and when you're thinking in terms of forever, who needs to count?

Getting back to my point...back to basics. We're making a conscious effort to get out more. We've slipped into a pattern of work, school/more work, meet at my place, play with the puppy, eat (whatever I'm cooking/ordering for) dinner, smooch, sleep, repeat. Although we don't actually cohabitate, we are in essence, living together. Not really having meaningful conversations, not doing anything in terms of quality time; just going through life, but at least we're doing it together. It's given us a pseudo-sense of closeness but when conflicts arise, I realize I don't know this man as well as I thought.

The solution? Date Night. It gives both of us a break from the chaos of the week, plus it reminds Joshua that I actually do own clothing other than uniforms and pajamas. I'm excited for this new, old-school chapter of our relationship...I think good things are on the way!

As always, I am ever reminded of the blessings I encounter daily. Thank you Lord for all you have given me, let me never take your generosity for granted!

If I could, I urge you to count your blessings this morning & have a great Monday!

-V

---------------------------------------

Songs:

"Fallin' for You" Colbie Callait

"Mine" Taylor Swift

"Hands Down" Dashboard Confessional (acoustic version)

Identity Crisis

2010-08-26T23:42:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny how relationships change everything? You take on the interests, stresses, and schedule of one another without necessarily meaning to. Even your vocabulary changes. 'I' becomes 'we', 'mine' becomes 'our' and seemingly overnight, I've lost my 'me' to an 'us'.

Recently, I've been feeling a little lost within this world of plurals, I'm missing the simplicity of single life. I've been trying to take a step back to collect my thoughts and move forward, but my step has been misinterpreted as a push. He thinks I'm keeping him at arms' length, but all I'm trying to keep is my head above water.

Staying sane is priority number one right now. That, and getting some sunlight or spray tan in my life ASAP. I'm albino-ing out over here, but I digress. Lately, the bf and I have been having some very marriage-y conversations. I guess because we are both employed and he's graduating in September(!), that means we should exchange rings and start procreating. (We're having a girl first, we already decided.) Ummm....no.

There are so many things I need to DO with my life before all of that. I know that he loves me- I am more convinced of this than I am that the world is turning. I'm just not entirely sold on thinking that he likes me. I think I annoy him, and that's no good. Bickering old married couples only work on sit-coms, not in real life.

I feel myself having to pry into his head to discern how he's really feeling. Then, I sit around and obsess and analyze until I can't even remember what I was thinking about in the first place. Sounds exceedingly healthy, no? All the thinking in the world is meaningless however, because if I ever get to the point where I convince myself that maybe he and I are not meant to be, I get an instantaneous lightening bolt to the chest to remind me that I love him in a way I've never felt before. My brain and my heart are bitter enemies.

Listen, folks; I can't complain. I have never been treated better in my entire life. No one has ever shown me more compassion and love in my twenty three years of living. All of this was true years before we even started dating, back when he was the guy I would call to pick up the pieces when I had had a fight/breakup/reunion with my ex or when I was lost/stranded/lonely/bored/crying/out of people to call. He has been both the champion and the wrecker of my heart, and though there have been times of hurt feelings and a touch of betrayal; I don't think I will ever again find a love like this.

Tomorrow night is supposed to be our date night, although up until now, I would've have bet it would end in a circular conversation about everything that's broken between us. I'm deciding against it. Tomorrow, I'm going to curl my hair, put on a dress he's never seen me in before and meet him at the door with a smile. "It's just growing pains", I'll say. I'll mean it. I think it's past time I put a little faith in the man who seems to have endless faith in me.

I want my relationship back and I want my identity back. I want to feel confident that I am deserving of the love I am shown, and I want Josh to be certain that I'm determined to see this thing through to the finish. I'm not naive enough to think nothing will break us; the truth is, I have no idea if I will see him smiling up at me from the alter someday, or not. But the option is there, and the chances are good.

-------------------------------------------

"Do You Know Me At All" John Mayer

Sometimes I'd like to fall asleep for a month or two... or ten.

2010-08-16T01:14:00.005-05:00

...but this man, he holds my heart in his strong hands.

He has given back my smile.

He wipes black tears from my eyes and kisses my forehead.

He says I'm stronger, better, for it all.

He carries me,

and the more I lean, the more I learn,

I can stand on my own.*

He's my little bit of You in this world,

always lifting my chin up, to see Your face.

He points me to You when I'm lost in chaos at my own hand.

He whispers blessings in my ear,

I can hear Your heart in the words of his prayer.

What right have I to give anything but gratitude?

Yet, my lips form only apologies.

Faith with no foundation is ignorance,

but knowledge without practice is fruitless.

The wisdom in my head is proving to be useless.

Let my roots grow deep.

Help me to see the path that you intend for me,

and to walk it with faith and trust,

forgetting selfish fear and doubt.

Please lift this cloud of regret from my mind,

I've tried to clear it on my own, without success.

It overtakes me and I am not myself.

Set me free from the lingerings of my past.

Wash me clean.

--------------------------------------

*First stanza from previous post.

Read full post: "Better"

Songs:

"Lead me" Sanctus Real

Loose Lips Sink Ships

2010-08-05T13:28:00.004-05:00

Shhhh......

Things I would never say out loud but for some reason feel the need to send out into cyberspace:

-I miss being single. I LOVE my boyfriend. He is my forever friend and I can't imagine my life without him, but I miss going out with my girls, flirting shamelessly, not having to pay for drinks, and sleeping diagonally across my bed. I was starting to be comfortable alone. I like being able to feel in control and not dependent upon a man for the safety of my heart.

-My relationship is getting serious and I am freaking out. He thinks I'm a flight risk, but the truth is, I'm just scared of failing. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

-I still think about my ex. I worry how he's doing, if he's happy, how his family is doing, if his mother is back to where she was before the accident, if he thinks of me...

-I miss my best friend, my partner in crime. I used to think nothing would ever tear us apart. I didn't take into account that drifting apart would hurt just as much. We are strangers to each other now. I'm so glad she has grown up and found love but sometimes, I long for the days of punk rock, cars with no air-conditioning, way too many calories, and fits of laughter for no reason.

-My health is starting to genuinely scare me. I play it off like it's no big deal, but I don't like that my headaches are getting worse and no one can tell me why. I think the neurologist was disappointed that they didn't find a tumor on my MRI, and that kind of freaks me out. I've had perfect vision my entire life and right now, the black writing on my screen is blurring. Contrast is not my friend.

-Biological clocks are no joke. My get-married-now-and-make-babies complex is setting in hardcore. I'm trying desperately to stay grounded and make decisions that I will be happy with in the long run. Being with someone like Josh doesn't make this any easier. I'm fairly certain he will always give me what I want because he wants me to be happy, even if it's not what he wants.

-Being in school is getting tiresome. Sometimes, I wish I could live on Wisteria Lane and cook and clean and raise children all while maintaining a perfect figure. Desperate Housewives is a ridiculous television program, but I wish it was my life. (see above)

----------------------------------------
Songs:
"Secret" The Pierces
"Airplanes" B.O.B. featuring Hayley Williams

Moving Day Drama: Ode to the Painter Guy

2010-07-27T16:27:00.004-05:00

Dear Kelly,

You, Sir, are amazing.

Thank you for cleaning and painting my apartment (again) so Penny and I have a pretty (& clean!) place to live. We love you and hope you uncover the truth as to whichever person or persons mysteriously broke in and baked pizzas, exploded soda cans, and left boxer shorts out in the back yard. Their mischief was your misfortune and for that I am sorry. Your smiling face was the only thing that brightened this otherwise annoying and stressful discovery.

Thanks a million,

Vanessa and Penny

-------------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Kind and Generous" Natalie Merchant

Love is friendship set to music

2010-07-21T08:58:00.000-05:00

More pics from our trip to Flordia!

These are from our dinner cruise:

----------------------------------------------

Songs:

"You and Me" Lifehouse

"Unforgettable" Nat "King" Cole

When life hands you lemons...

2010-07-19T12:06:00.001-05:00

...squeeze them into your vodka tonic.

I had a weekend full of Mondays, can I complain a bit?

First of all, I was unexpectedly let go from my job on Friday. It turns out, the parents I worked for have been looking into daycare centers for their child, to "socialize" her. I have no problem with centers, or this couple putting their child in one. What I do have a problem with is being interviewed and asked to make a year long commitment, and then being let go less than two months later because a spot opened up in the center of their choice. I take being a nanny very seriously, I think it is a huge responsibility and privilege to care for children, and it is something that I take very personally.

So, can I look at this situation objectively? Not so much. If I had been told the truth from the beginning, absolutely. However, after leaving a company I had been with for over 2 years, turning down several other offers, and hedging my finances on this opportunity, I am so not the proverbial, 'happy camper' today. Adding insult to injury, my former employers are also fellow church members, so I really do feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted. I don't play the victim card, I certainly do not think it was their intent to cause me financial or emotional harm, they're just doing what they feel is best for their child; but I do know I would have handled things differently, had the situations been reversed. Oh well, live and learn.

Moving on, I am set to move into a new apartment, actually a duplex, August first. Well, that was the plan before last Friday, I honestly can't justify taking on more expenses with no income to back them up. We shall see. I have two weeks to find employment, and I am trying my best to remain optimistic that another opportunity will arise if I keep my eyes open. Who knows? Maybe I will be blessed with a situation that is even better for me than this was. Either way, I hold no grudges and will not let a minor setback overwhelm me. All I can do is apply like crazy, and keep moving forward until something opens up. In the meantime, I have a fully stocked Hulu queue, an adorable puppy, and a man I'm crazy about to keep me company.

Mantra of the moment: Stay in the positive. Inhale, Exhale, Repeat.

------------------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Keep Breathing" Ingrid Michaelson

"Back in the Saddle Again" Gene Autry

Why you haven't been hearing from me...

2010-07-14T09:32:00.012-05:00

This is why I am the happiest girl in the world today:

Our trip to Tampa, July 4-9, 2010.

More to come!

-----------------------------------

Songs:

"Two Tickets to Paradise" Eddie Money

"Barefoot and Crazy" Jack Ingram

...and baby makes three.

2010-07-01T16:12:00.010-05:00

Last week, Joshua and I got to meet this little bundle of joy. Her name is Cami Ann and she is my good friend's daughter. It was such a blessing to watch such an amazing woman fit perfectly into the role of 'mother'. Over the past couple years we have had many conversations about men and babies, and words can not express how happy I am for her! You deserve everything, Leesha. I love you, mama!

8 lbs. of ADORABLE

Vanessa and Cami

Cami's little Buddha belly

Telling her how much I'm going to spoil her.

I'm thinking...Disney EVERYTHING.

Josh and baby Cami at 6 days old.

Cami with her mommy and daddy

So, Yo Gabba Gabba really freaks me out...

2010-06-30T12:14:00.004-05:00

This morning I am not in the best of moods. There are several reasons for this;

Running off of approx. 4 hours of sleep (for several nights in a row)
There is ground coffee here, but no coffee maker. I totally just put a filter in my cup and poured hot water over it. Result: weakest cup of coffee ever. Caffeine should come in the form of an I.V.
The THREE year old I nanny hasn't even begun potty-training
Last night, I picked a fight with Josh for no reason. He didn't really do anything to deserve it, except for being within a 10 ft. radius of me & my crazy.
Allergies
Weezer is singing a song called "All My Friends Are Insects" on the television right now...in bug costumes.

Okay. Time to de-stress. It's almost my favorite time of the day...naptime! The kiddo is finishing her lunch right now, then it's TV off, diaper change, baby monitor on, BREAK TIME!

Hope your Wednesday is off to a better start than mine!

-V

One Love

2010-06-29T11:31:00.004-05:00

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

— Bob Marley

Tuesday Tunes

2010-06-29T09:44:00.007-05:00

"Love is a FRIENDSHIP set to MUSIC"

-Joseph Campbell

--------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Wonderwall" Ryan Adams

"Little Bit" Lykke Li ft. Drake

"Shelter" Ray LaMontagne

Patience is a virtue...[babble before breakfast]

2010-06-27T10:14:00.002-05:00

Patience is not something that is traditionally valued in our culture. Mine is the instant gratification generation. We want the best, and we want it now. I can Tivo my favorite television programs if I don't feel like waiting through the commercials, and if I don't feel like waiting until I get home, I can always watch it on Hulu.

I am not a patient person. As horrible as it sounds, if something doesn't come easily to me, I don't usually stick with it. In my life growing up, I thought I was hard-working. I now know this to be false. The things I devoted my time to, are the things I have always been naturally gifted in, and in which I have had to put forth minimal effort to succeed. School was the easiest thing ever for me with the exception of mathematics, a subject I always ended up sliding by in, usually by winning the teacher over with my dazzling personality and/or flirting with the cute(ish), smart guy sitting next to me and having him "help" me.

Music has been one of the most influential forces in my life since before I can remember, but I know that I've never had to work very hard, or at all, to be successful. Everything I wanted, I got. Everything I tried out for, I made. I sometimes can't believe I had the nerve to audition for All State (choir) by basically sight-reading the music. I am very grateful for my talent and that that which I'm passionate about is an area I have natural ability in, but there's something to be said for work ethic. And patience.

I am impatient in relationships. I want people to be up front and honest, and to stick to their word, 'final answer?' style. I don't have the time for character flaws, or to deal with my own. I want to know the past, present, and plans for the future, so I can make a timely decision on whether the relationship is worth pursuing or devoting energy and emotion to. It sounds cold, but I assure you, I'm not. This might be the only calculating, "rational" thought process I employ, as most of my actions are based in emotion, not logic. I think this pro and con list approach is my defense mechanism of choice; needing to see a situation from every single possible angle so I am never fully surprised or disappointed at any given outcome. Healthy? Perhaps not. But it works, for the most part.

So, here's what I'm learning, folks:

Patience is good.

Waiting is good for me, it breeds character. It's healthy to not always get what I want, when and how I want it. Sometimes, what I think I want, I am not ready for. God is a much better judge of my readiness, than I. In my most uncertain times, I learn the most.

Case in point: my current relationship. In the beginning, all he asked me for was time. Time for him to see things from my point of view, and for me to try and understand where he was coming from as well. We were raised in the same city, but in two entirely different worlds. We are so not two peas, but the really great thing, is that we're getting there. This morning, we had an extended conversation about a not so glorious story from my past. Instead of hearing my words and making up a version of the story in his mind, with his spin on it, he listened to me. It really helped put a lot of things in perspective for us. There was an issue in the beginning of our relationship that feels very resolved now, and I am more confident now now than ever, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Long story even longer, sometimes when I am patient, even begrudgingly, I get what I truly want, just not in the way I thought it would turn out.

Did that seem a little ambiguous and confusing? I'm sorry if it did, but I would like to respect his privacy (kinda), and quite honestly, I think I'm going to be done typing now and go great ready to have a little brunch with my man. Just know that I'm happy, he's happy, and Penny the puggle is cuter than ever.

That's all for now, friends. Have a great Sunday, be blessed!

----------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Patience" Guns n Roses

"Right Here Waiting" Staind

See? Sometimes if we are PATIENT we get something even better than what we originally had in mind =)

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

photo: Just a shadow on the wall, thought it was cool, posted it to Blogger. That's all.

Happy Summer Solstice!

2010-06-21T12:50:00.005-05:00

Today is the longest day of the year...and Lincoln, Nebraska, has spent most of it in a thunderstorm. The sun is finally peeking it's way through the clouds after a morning of dreary, soppiness. I absolutely love warm weather, and am so looking forward to Summer 2010!

On the to-do list this summer...

Lazy days in the park with Penny
New Connect Group (bible study)
Tampa (!) with Joshua for the 4th of July
Move into new apartment!
$ave for new car...Tauri has seen better days, folks.
Puppy training classes for Penny
Go to the Nebraska State Fair [hello! Lifehouse, Josh Turner, Phil Vassar]
Take lots & lots of photos, remember everything!

Summer is here!

What are your plans?

---------------------------

Songs:

"Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer" Nat "King" Cole

"Summertime" Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong

"Summer Breeze" Jason Mraz (Seals and Crofts cover)

"This Afternoon" Nickelback

image: Natalie Dee

Puppies have daddies, too...

2010-06-20T13:19:00.004-05:00

Haha, I love this picture and I couldn't resist. These are two of my favorite creatures on the planet. I love my sweet girl Penny and her favorite puggle-snuggler!

I have no words.

2010-06-19T18:11:00.002-05:00

Just a heart overflowing and a song in my head.

Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne

"When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears

It was easy to see you'd been crying

Seems like everywhere you turn, catastrophe it reigns

But who really profits from the dying

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions

My worried mind that you quiet

Place your hands on my face

Close my eyes and say

That love is a poor man's food

Don't prophesize

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

And I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

So now we see how it is

This fist begets the spear

Weapons of war

Symptoms of madness

Don't let your eyes refuse to see

Don't let your ears refuse to hear

Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold on forever

And I could hold you in my arms

I could hold on forever"

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More Ray LaMontagne music on iLike

Silly Songs for your Saturday

2010-06-12T01:16:00.001-05:00

I constantly have random songs playing in my head. I've often referred to my brain as an ipod on shuffle. I have no idea where they come from, but I try not to question it. Here are a few extremely random earworms I've been haunted by this week, enjoy!

"Major Tom" -Peter Schilling

"We Didn't Start the Fire" -Billy Joel

"They're Coming To Take Me Away" -Dr. Demento

"Tarzan and Jane" -Aqua (Toy Box)

Hurray for the WEEKEND! I'm going to meet Josh's father's family tonight...wish me luck!

xoxo,

sweet summertime

2010-06-11T23:12:00.009-05:00

I love being a nanny.

-V

--------------------------

Songs:

"Little Wonders" Rob Thomas

Photo Finish Friday: Penny's first bath!

2010-06-11T16:33:00.006-05:00

Penny had her first bath this week! She was very hard to capture on camera, but I did my best!

She was not a huge fan of the water

This is my favorite, so hilarious!

My little escape artist

I hope everyone had a great week! I must say, the way things are going right now...I love my life! TGIF =)

xoxo,

-------------------------------------

Songs:

"Splish Splash" Bobby Darin

How stressed are you?

2010-06-09T13:54:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have become increasingly obsessed with taking personality profile tests online. I get bored on my nanny days during nap-time. I found a super quick one this morning and it's pretty interesting. Basically, look at the pictures (below). The slower they move, the less stressed you are, or the better you are at handling stress. Children and the elderly usually see them as motionless, while alleged criminals see them spinning furiously.

I wouldn't say spinning furiously...but the first one kinda made me dizzy.

Orange jumpsuits, anyone?

Take care!

-V

----------------------------

"Crazy" Gnarls Barkley

"Spin" Lifehouse

[in love] & WAR.

2010-06-03T13:35:00.009-05:00

You are a ghost-

Lingering but not present.

I can see, but I can't feel you.

There's an emptiness in your eyes,

So what of your soul?

It worries me.

What troubles you, love?

Say the word and I will be at the ready,

weapon in hand.

I would fight unto forever for you.

Have you fallen into a waking slumber?

Eyes open, but heart closed?

Who holds the key?

Oh, but there are moments, love.

Wonderful moments filled with sun,

when the light returns to your face.

Your eyes shine like diamonds of ocean-blue,

and I can see my smile in them, mirroring your own.

What is it that you desire?

Show me the longing of your heart,

and I will take on any foe to give it to you.

We're in a battle, you and I.

But I know nothing of the prize,

nor what consequences may befall should we fail.

In the end,

If love makes fools of us all;

I want to say it was worth it,

and count you, always, as my friend.

-V

-----------------------------------

Songs:

"Battle" Colbie Callait [listen to the LYRICS!]

A question for you

2010-06-02T14:05:00.007-05:00

How much stock do you put in dreams?

I used to think they mean something, now I'm not so sure. It's not that I've changed my mind so much as I'm hoping now that they are meaningless. I used to have a relatively good report with my dreams. Good or bad, I would remember them for the first few moments upon waking, and consequently recall them less as less as the day went on. I would assume most people share this experience. Lately, my subconscious and I must be on the outs or something, because I've been having dreams almost nightly, usually with a similar theme or cast of characters, and they stick with me throughout the day. Lame.

These silly dreams are confusing me. The constant appearance of a certain someone from my past usually leaves me with a mild heartache all day. I have woken to the wetness of tears forming in the corners of my sleeping eyes on more than once occasion this past week...what's up with that?

I'm doing the 'happy' thing right now. I left the job which was slowly sucking the soul out of me for one I am equally talented at and leaves me fulfilled each day. I am financially sound and being semi-responsible with money for the first time since I learned that I could withdraw the babysitting money out of my savings account when I was 13. I have a man who loves me, near as I can tell, and has been really sweet to me, even when I haven't deserved it. Oh, and I have a puppy, a really freakin' cute one! Happy all around, right?

So, what is the deal with this dream-induced melancholy I'm battling today? I'm having a moment. Okay, I'm having several moments. I've been reading about dreams, and most theorists and psychiatrists tend to assert that dreams are the work of one's subconscious. A recent study showed that dreams are mostly the results of recent experiences. Well, my dreams aren't paying much attention to that study, apparently. My unconscious mind is seemingly anchored in the past, and I'd really just like to move the hell on and make with the happy!

So...assuming Freud is right and there's something to this whole subconscious thing...I have a message for mine;

Shhhh!

Sweet Dreams,

--------------------------------

Songs:

"Been Too Long" & "Slow Me Down" Emmy Rossum

What's that you say?

2010-05-30T22:18:00.007-05:00

You want to see some more pics of Penny the Puggle? Well, if you insist...

Penny likes to show off her blinged out collar!

....just kidding, she hates it, actually.

Penny wants her puggle snuggles!

This is how she sleeps when she's reeeeeeally tired =)

Happy Memorial Day! As we remember those we've lost in service to our country, I hope you are spending it with the ones you love, I know I will be!

-V

-----------------------------------

Songs:

"Pennies from Heaven" Lois Prima

"Penny and Me" Hanson (yup, Hanson.)

Holy Haircut, Batman

2010-05-25T13:02:00.004-05:00

Okay, so there's something you should know about me.

I don't handle change well. I have a little bit of a control issue, and I don't like it when things happen that I either couldn't prevent, or just didn't see coming.

Lately, life has been more than slightly nutzo. I got a puppy on Friday (my b-day), an MRI on Saturday, and put my two weeks notice in at my current job on Sunday. Busy weekend, to say the least. And mainly because of the health issues I've been dealing with for the past few months, and just the general feeling of not knowing what's been going on, I've felt like I'm not in control of my body, my emotions, my life! I've been focusing on the things I can change, the things I do have control over. Thus, I decided to get a haircut today. I made an appointment at the salon and I was super excited, just wanted to get a little trim and get some shorter, side-swept bangs. Nothing drastic, just a little something new.

K, well I am now minus eight inches. Eight. I asked for 3-4 to be cut off, just so it would be lighter and more manageable for summer. My stylist, whom I have always been pleased with, got a little scissor happy I guess, I don't know. Bottom line; my hair is too freakin' short. And I, being the change-phob that I am, well, I'm not super chill about it. I cried. Like Julia freakin' Roberts in Steel Magnolias. Don't worry, I waited until I was in my car with my sunglasses on before I had my irrational meltdown. My mother would be proud.

Alright, I'm done being a baby now. Hair grows back, and I have a lot of good things going on right now. Sometimes I think these little curve balls are thrown our way in life so that we can learn a lesson in humility. I have food. I get to eat every single day. I don't have to worry about having clean water to drink or money to pay the bills (unless I overindulge in a little retail therapy that month), I have love in my life and family and friends and an adorable puppy. I am blessed beyond blessed, and although my life may be a stressful right now, I do have faith that there is a plan for me and God has some good things up his sleeve. I'll get the MRI results back soon, and we'll go from there. New job=good. New puppy=good. New haircut=whatever. Life goes on. We'll file this under ridiculous things I've cried over lately.

Mantra of the week: Glass half full. Embrace the change. Suppress the crazy.

-V

--------------------------------------------

Songs:

"I am not my hair" India.Arie

Nobody likes you when you're 23...

2010-05-22T07:20:00.009-05:00

...except for my gorgeous girl, Penny!

Friday was my birthday. So, now I'm 23, I think that's how birthdays work; you survive for 365 days, and they give you another tally mark. Instead of spending my birthday out with friends as I usually do, I spent it at my parent's house with my family and Joshua...and baby Penny the Puggle! Josh and I left at the crack of 10:30 to make the nearly two hour drive to Grand Island, NE to meet the breeder. We listened to oldies and smiled the whole way, I couldn't wait to meet my puppy!

The breeder asked us to meet her at the Walmart "off the first exit" whatever that means, I don't speak Interstate, so I just drove into town until I found a Walmart. Honestly, it felt kind of like a drug deal....I handed her the cash, she handed me the dog. In the parking lot. Of a Walmart. Nevertheless, Penny the Puggle is here and she is the cutest thing ever and has such a sweet temperament. She is very friendly and loves to play with everyone, but she definitely prefers to cuddle with her momma =)

I love our little family!

On the car ride home

Too cute, right?

Look at her little wrinkles!

Playing with her favorite chew toy, it's a pacifier...cuz she's a baby =-)

Well, Happy Monday, everybody! Penny Lane and I are going to take a nap before I head off to my afternoon class and work! I hope your weekend was filled with as much love as mine was!

xoxo,

---------------------------------------

Songs:

"What's My Age Again?" Blink 182

"Say Aah" Trey Songz feat Fabolous

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

2010-05-19T22:42:00.004-05:00

It's gonna be a busy rest of the week, y'all!

*New puppy.

*New residence.

*New age. (Happy Birthday to meeeee)

*New something else that I can't tell you about yet ;-)

Mantra of the week: New is good. Embrace the new.

Bam! Bring it on, life!

xoxo,

--------------------------------

Songs:

"Times They are a-Changin'" Bob Dylan (duh)

I'm gonna be a mommy!

2010-05-15T16:07:00.007-05:00

Well...kind of.

As of Friday, May 21, which happens to be my 23rd birthday, I will be the super proud owner of a little baby girl puggle (pug and beagle mix) puppy! Josh and I have named her Penny and I can't wait to meet her! She is coming to me from Sappa Creek Puppies, in Beaver City, NE. Lois at Sappa Creek had been very kind in answering all of my first time puppy parent questions, of which there have been many.

I wanted to know what kind of food to buy, so that she wouldn't have tummy troubles when I brought her home, I wanted to know how many litters her mother has per year, because I am ever leery of the dreaded puppy mill. She answered all of my questions and gave me a reference to call from her previous litter so I could ask about the temperament of the puppies. My fears have been assuaged, puppy supplied ordered, and my deposit is in the mail. I am so excited for next week!

Penny already has a license with her name on it,

thanks to the sweetest boyfriend on the planet.

Meet Penny the Puggle (pictured here at 4 weeks)

More to come!

-V

--------------------------------

Songs:

"Penny Lane" The Beatles (her namesake, because I had that song stuck in my head all night when Joshua and I were discussing puppy names)

It's a sip of wine, it's the [spring]time!

2010-05-09T20:04:00.009-05:00

Josh and I visited Slattery Vintage Estates this past week for a wine tasting and a wonderful afternoon. We're starting a new thing; working on spontaneity. If you know me at all, you know that I'm a planner. I make pro and con lists and to-do lists and always look (from every possible angle...twice) before I leap. Joshua once decided to drive 5 hours just to go to White Castle at crazy o'clock in the morning. We are so not two peas. I love it! In effort to keep things interesting, I thought we should try planning dates for each other. It can be a surprise, or not, but whatever one person chooses, the other person has to go along with.

I decided, after much research and planning, that my first Satur-date would be to a Vineyard and Tasting Room about an hour outside of town. Slattery is in Nehawka, Nebraska, a small town outside of Omaha. Josh and I loaded into Tauri the taurus, and made our way down the highway (Tauri doesn't like the Interstate). It actually only took us a little over half an hour and we were there, ready to get our sip on. =-) We sampled 5 wines from across the state and chose a glass of our favorite red, Ninth Harvest.

I knew Joshua was sold on the place when the owner's daughter came out and started talking about a new kind of beer they were stocking called Purple Haze. We took our glass of wine to the outdoor seating and ordered a bowl of french onion soup, which I will have to learn how to make now because he loved it so much. It was absolutely delicious. I must say, with the combo of the blue sky, his blue shirt, and those eyes, my man was looking pretty delicious himself. As I've said before, I am a lucky girl. Sitting across from Joshua on a breezy, sunny day with a good glass of wine in my hand, the same thought kept running through my mind.

I could get used to this.

Grape-less Vines at the Vineyard

We have a very short growing season in the Neb so only a few varieties of grapes can be grown here, that's why most Nebraska wines are sweet. To all of you wine snobs out there-Don't knock it till you've tried it! All of the wines we sampled were delicious!

Our favorite semi-sweet red, from Silver Hills Winery in Tekamah, NE.

soft goat cheese+tomato basil parmesan+salami+olive tampanade=

Yummy hors d'oeuvres tray =)

Sunshine+Glass of Wine+Gorgeous Vineyard=

Happy Couple =)

----------------------------------

Songs:

"Heard it Through The Grapevine" Marvin Gaye

"Summertime" Kenny Chesney

My Mom is AWESOME.

2010-05-09T11:21:00.006-05:00

She taught me everything I know. Seriously. I'm good with kids, because she's good with kids. I've been involved with music my whole life, because she exposed me to it at a young age. I sing, because she sings. I never thought I would be one of those people who turned into their mother...but I so am. Lately, I'm completely embracing it. She has passed some of her best talents and skills onto me, and there are many more that I am only know learning and coming to admire.

My mother is the most patient and understanding woman I have ever known, hands down. For example, this morning I woke up with a fever and super sore throat...I'm freakin' sick! I drove over to my parents' house because my sister and I had planned to cook her the annual breakfast in bed before church. I supplied the orange juice, I figured that was the least germ-spreading thing I could do. I bought her a corsage to pin to her top before church, but unfortunately I am here typing this blog instead of sitting at church with my family. Boo! But, my Madre isn't mad or disappointed that I'm throwing off the routine, nope. I asked if it would upset her if I stayed home from church and she told me "Not at all. Whatever you think is best."

When I was in elementary school, we had a little fake printing press in the library at the school. We would write our stories, illustrate them, fill out the "About the Author" pages, and send themoff to be bound and laminated. One of the stories we were asked to write early on, was the typical "When I Grow Up" stories usually found in most primary school classrooms. I still remember exactly what I wrote. My classmates wrote about how they wanted to be doctors, veterinarians, astronauts, firefighters, and the like. They described how they would be rich and famous, drive fancy cars and buy houses, and become the President of the United States.

My entry was simple;

"When I grow up, I want to be a Mommy."

Thank you Mom, for all that you do. I am ever grateful to you and Dad for raising me with faith, and love, and instilling the values that have made me the person I am today. I know that everything I am and everything I will become in my life is because of you, and your strength and wisdom. I love you, Madre, have a wonderful day! I owe you a hug when I am less contagious ;-)

xoxo,

Better.

2010-05-08T00:05:00.013-05:00

Dear Airman,

I read your words with tears in my eyes.

3 days.

I don't know how to feel; am I supposed to be happy? I am proud of you for starting your journey, but I keep waiting for that exhale of relief to let me know it's over for me. No longer will our paths cross. You have yours, and I, mine.

I should be glad. You have someone else, and so do I, and he's better than you. We're better off, you and I. In our hearts we always knew it would turn out this way, didn't we? You didn't think you ever could...and I knew you would, just not with me. You thought you were irrevocably broken, and I knew you weren't. Some hearts aren't fixable, but yours was, once the ice melted. I like being right but this time, the satisfaction is missing. I don't like it. Not at all.

Sometimes, I think I wasted the best of me on you. Sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, I think the best is ahead of me; that I will be rewarded for my patience, for my pain. Sometimes, I think it was all meaningless, unnecessary drama that played itself out for far too long. Some nights, I think I will love you until the day I die, some days, I think I never did.

I should want you far away, shouldn't I? Unable to reach me and send me crashing down again. You always knew how to stop my world from turning, and make me lose my footing and forget myself. But then again, you also knew how to kiss me, and stop my heart for a moment, keep my feet from touching ground and forget to breathe. Crash, Burn, Kiss, Cry, Repeat.

So am I glad? Proud? Sad? Bitter? No. I don't know how I feel, and yet the tears come. I've cried oceans over you.

My head screams. Love me! Accept me! Want me! Please don't leave yet, I don't know how I feel. I'm desperate, in need of something... Retribution? Revenge? Forgiveness?

Forgiveness. I've failed. Took on your troubles when I should have pointed you to God. Made myself your savior, and you, I made you my idol. Cast my heart into your hands, whether you liked it or not. Time made fools of us all.

Do you remember the time...

There was a pink light casting rosy shadows across your face.

One in your ear one in mine, and we listened.

-You and I will meet again-

All I remember are kisses and tears, and an inside joke I'll never forget.

(Don't...)

Being happy hurts, sometimes. Like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will he turn into you; is it just a matter of time? If I let him lift me up so high, does that just mean I have farther to fall? It keeps me up at night.

I know there was truth in us, I know my motives were pure. In my heart, I know I always did everything I could do, and too much at that. But if the end result is this; this ache in my chest, this empty burn...I don't want it anymore.

If life makes strangers turned lovers into best friends and then to strangers again, then we're all better off alone.

There is something wrong with me, I think. I guess I can't let go- of love, of hurt, of shame, of fear. I carry it all, and the weight is getting too heavy.

But this man, he holds my heart in his strong hands. He has given back my smile. He wipes black tears from my eyes and kisses my forehead. He says I'm stronger, better, for it all. He carries me, and the more I lean, the more I learn, I can stand on my own.

So, go now, love. Make your mark on this world. Keep your fire, your determination to prove them all wrong, to make your father proud. You are your brothers' hero, make sure your actions follow accordingly. Prayer will keep you grounded, so pray. Be thankful for the friendships you've had, although some will fall away. The ones who matter will still be there. Kiss your girl, but not too hard, for it's the tender ones you'll remember when you need them most. Let her give you strength, and don't hold back for fear that she may fail. You deserve the world, so take it. Be prepared. Amazing things are headed your way.

If I could ask one thing of you, think of me fondly, if you think of me at all. Remember how I loved you, and know that I always will. We were broken, you and I, but now at last it seems, we're better.

Always,

----------------------------

Songs:

"The Call" Regina Spektor

"Into the West" Annie Lennox

[almost] Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-05T23:18:00.001-05:00

Dear people,

I love spring. That is all.

xoxo,

-------------------

Songs:

"Wrapped Up In You" Garth Brooks

Confessions of a Talk-aholic

2010-04-26T01:04:00.000-05:00

I'm starting a new segment on my blog.

In an effort to be ever mindful of those around me, and how they bless my life, I want to write letters to the people I love, and I'd love to read yours, too! I think it's important that we don't take things for granted, and for me, writing it out is a good way for me to do just that. So, send me your love letters! They could be to your significant other, pet, mom, or your favorite brand of cereal (no judgement). Let's show some love, people!

Joshua Michael,

You amaze me.

I'm learning more about you each day and I wake up every morning excited for what the day will bring for us. I love growing in knowledge of each other and in our faith together. Something I've known for a long time, but am only truly learning recently is that you are a man of few words for a reason. Your "yes" is yes, your "no" is no. You tell me what is on your mind by the way you live your life, your character speaks for you, in actions, not words.

I'm afraid, my dear, I talk too much. I think sometimes I hide behind my words, analyzing a situation from every conceivable angle. I plan and plot and debate all of the possible actions I could take and the outcomes which would result from each option, instead of making a decision introspectively and moving forward.

You walk the walk, and sometimes, Babe, I just talk a lot.

I am so thankful for your patience, you allow me my verbal indulgences. You sit quietly and let me to it, even if sometimes I can tell you're only waiting for me to pause for a breath. You never interrupt me, no matter the level of crazy at which I'm rambling. And when you respond, it is well thought out, and wise. You really have a way of putting me in my place, Love. At times it's frustrating, even when I know you're right, but most of the time, I am incredibly and wonderfully humbled. With one calm observation, you can unravel countless minutes of my carefully crafted theories of disaster. With a knowing smile, my panic is dissolved and I catch myself smiling along, caught in the realization of my delusion.

Thank you for being the yin to my yang, the calm to my storm, and the best friend I have ever had.

I love you,

Vanessa

-----------------------------

Songs:

"Maybe I'm Amazed" Paul McCartney

Today I will...

2010-04-25T09:01:00.001-05:00

Be on time to church
Make it through my entire shift at work without complaining about a respondent
Organize the closet, bring out the spring wardrobe!
Balance my checkbook
Sing
Cook something I've never attempted before
Steal a thousand or so kisses from my man
Be ever mindful of the many blessings I encounter daily
Have a great day!

-V

-----------------------------------------------

prompt via Writing Prompts

Raindrops

2010-04-24T08:37:00.000-05:00

We've been having some crazy weather lately, always puts me in a sentimental mood =)

I snapped this photo on my way home from work

Morning, love.

I thought of you last night.

As I listened to the rain fall, tiny pindrops on the roof,

I drifted in and out of lazy sleep,

thoughts and memories of you

converging with fantasy and dreams of us.

I awoke to rolls of thunder,

but confused it for the deep pounding in my chest.

I realized then I need you next to me, now and always-

-to calm the storm of my soul

when dark clouds cast shadows of doubt.

When flashes of lightening threaten to ignite my foolish fears,

Take my hand and comfort me, shelter me in love.

Give to me the warmth of your smile

and the strength of your arms,

and I will shower you with kisses.

Stick with me through snow and hail,

and we will be blessed with years of sunshine.

Did you know,

It is so much more than my hand that you hold?

When my head is cradled in your arms,

my face buried against your chest,

You hold my heart, my life, my light!

Take care- my joy, my sweet.

Though love can be strong as steel, hearts are made of glass

Breakable. Like ice, frozen with fearful memories,

Faith and patience alone can melt.

Fall for me, darling.

I will stand by you.

---------------------------------------

Songs:

"Better Life" Keith Urban

"She's My Kind of Rain" Tim McGraw

"Umbrella" Vanilla Sky

What kind of dog did Hamlet have? A melancholy...

2010-04-20T16:29:00.007-05:00

Head in the future, heart in the past.

So, where does that leave me?

Ghosting my way through life.

Present, but barely.

Stress leads to

Fear

and Doubt,

to Regret.

Pressure builds,

steps become labored,

breathing, a chore.

Until all that is left are memories;

skin kissed by sunshine,

and warmer still, a smile.

Radiant and true.

I miss

the feeling of ivory beneath my fingertips,

a song in my heart,

fresh lyrics upon my lips,

the smooth glide of pen to paper,

the easy flow of thought to word.

I feel

complicated and pressured,

Wrong and wronged.

Scarred and not good enough,

tried and Tired.

No coffee's ever strong enough

to wake my soul from fearful sleep.

There's no escape; nightmarish scenes

play, like horror flicks on repeat, across my mind.

This,

The foe within, I can not conquer.

My heart's cry,

My waking dream,

My constant plea;

Give all.

Let go.

"Let be."

---------------------

Songs:

"Sleep, Don't Weep" Damien Rice

"Moving Pictures, Silent Films" Great Lake Swimmers

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-14T09:24:00.000-05:00

I love my boyfriend.

Helpful Safety Tip...

2010-04-13T13:10:00.005-05:00

...drink lots of WATER when you take your pills.

I didn't, and now I'm paying for it. I had one pill to go from a bottle of antibiotics I was finishing last week, and realized mid-slumber that I had forgotten to take it. I woke up, took the pill with a gulp of water, and went back to bed. MISTAKE. Woke up the next morning and thought I was having a heart attack. I'm talking heartburn like I've never had before in my LIFE. So here we are, four days later, and every time I take a sip of water, eat anything, or breathe, it hurts. As in, make the tips of my fingers go numb, hurt. Yikes. Any tips for me? Doc has me taking Prilosec and just waiting it out, if it lasts longer than another week, I'm gonna have to go in to make sure I didn't do some damage to my esophagus. I swear, I injure myself in the most ridiculous ways.

Hope your week is going better than mine!

-V

----------------------------------

Songs:

"Fire Burning" Sean Kingston (get it? lol) =-)

Photo Finish Friday

2010-04-09T00:43:00.008-05:00

Who wants to see some cheesy pics of Josh & I?

I know you do, admit it.

Someone snapped this at Josh's birthday celebration, part one =)

It was blurry, so I picnik'd it.

With lyrics from a Seal song.

Hoo-rah.

His first cup of coffee after going a whopping 40 days without!

(but I'm not supposed to tell you this because you're not supposed to publicize Lent, so this'll be our little secret, k?) Isn't he cute in the morning? Love.

My fav pic from Josh's "almost" birthday celebration a couple weeks ago.

I forgot to upload them until now. He's 24,

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Friend Like You

I like the way you're not afraid,

you've got the world planned in your mind.

People say you can not do it,

but they don't know

a friend like you.

The girl you love has gone away,

still too young to know her heart.

She'll return, her love renewed,

she'll never find

a friend like you.

When I had no one to call,

all the world had shut me out.

I showed up at your door, so blue

thank God I had

a friend like you.

Anytime I've gone without

a home, a meal, a pair of shoes,

if you had three, you'd give me two,

Ain't no other

friend like you.

-Joshua Radin

----------------------------------

Songs:

Do I really need to list them? Okay, if you insist:

"A Friend Like You" Joshua Radin

"Kissed from a Rose" Seal

[Duh]

xoxo,

Bring on the electroshock therapy!

2010-04-07T11:39:00.005-05:00

Gotta love the Doctor's office.

Okay, so I'm not exactly going to have my brain zapped or anything...but I am having an EMG next Friday. They're just gonna hook me up and send some "painless" electric pulses up my left arm to see how the neurons in my brain deal with them. See, I've been having some weakness in my left arm and hand lately, and as my Doc said this morning; "That's weird." She was very reassuring, informing me that I didn't have a stroke, and I "probably" don't have M.S. At this point, we're going with a diagnosis of a pinched nerve, but because it's been going on since football season...better safe than sorry.

I have to admit, I was a little worried in the waiting room this morning. My aunt was recently diagnosed with M.S. and I have a cousin who has had strokes due to side effects of birth control. Also, doctor's offices in general just kinda freak me out. I pulled out my Bible and turned to my favorite verse, Joshua 1:9. I read the familiar story of Joshua and the Israelites, and how God provided for them and kept them safe, giving them courage and strength in the face of obstacles that are much more serious than anything I have ever experienced.

I am so blessed to live my life surrounded by people who love and support me, and to feel the warmth of God's love for me, daily. He does not want me to live my life in a cloud of fear and worry. He wants me to have peace and be calm, secure in the knowledge that I am well cared for.

Happy Wednesday, everybody! Only two more days till it's time to T.G.I.F!

-V

---------------------------------------------

Songs:

"The Element Song" Tom Lehrer

"Free Fallin" Tom Petty

When it rains...

2010-04-06T11:32:00.003-05:00

...it POURS. Monsoon style.

So, my little sister got hit by a car yesterday. As in, she was walking on campus, crossing the street at a crosswalk, and got hit by a freakin' car! WTF? She's okay, by the way. No broken bones, just a very stiff neck and a bruised booty. But here's the kicker, the chick who decided to introduce her to the pavement, rolls down her window, makes sure she's not dead, and DRIVES AWAY. Did I mention she also hit a parked car after knocking my sister down? Who does that?

So, of course, my sis called my Dad, and then called me & I told her to call the police. A few minutes later, after the police had arrived, the crazy driver lady comes back! And instead of offering apologies, she proceeds to yell at my sister (the person she RAN OVER) for calling the cops! Um....duh! You don't get to run into a parked car...and a freakin' PERSON and then peace out and not have the cops called on you, so sorry. And furthermore, who yells at a pedestrian they just plowed over?!

Apparently is was the crazy driver lady's birthday and she was very upset at my sister for ruining it and trying to, "cause drama". Aha. Okay, then. Happy freakin' birthday lady, have fun with that karma. And maybe next time you go for a celebratory birthday drive downtown, easy on the crack, mmmk?

In other news, I just made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, at my mother's bidding, to discuss some suspicious symptoms I've been having lately. Okay, for the past few months. Nothing too major, just some weakness in my left arm, headaches, blurred vision and muscle spasms. Y'know, normal, healthy 22 year old stuff. Ugh.

Josh is handling my latest installment of crazy extremely well. I do not deserve this man.

Mantra of the week:

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and a sound mind."

-2 Timothy 1:7

---------------------

Songs:

"We Are Okay" Joshua Radin

image credit

Just so you know, I'm watching Sesame Street right now...

2010-04-05T09:13:00.004-05:00

So, I offered to do sub-care for my mother's in-home daycare today, friday and the following Monday. She is going out of town this weekend, and usually has the day after Easter off, but she wanted to offer care for the parents who have to go to work today. I am currently in the presence of 2 infants under 4 months, 2 toddlers under 2 years, and 1 "almost four an a half" year old. Pray for me.

Oh, and before she left, my mother announced; "I did have a dream last night that one of the kids fell down the stairs while you were watching them and died."

Thanks, Mom.

Happy Monday, everybody! Let's make it a great week!

-V

-------------------------------------------

Songs:

"Help" The Beatles

He is risen indeed!

2010-04-04T00:58:00.005-05:00

He was pierced for our transgressions

He was crushed for our iniquities

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him

& by His wounds we are healed.

-Isaiah 53:5

Happy Easter Sunday, everyone!

...Or as my co-worker interestingly put it, "Zombie Jesus Day". I have to admit, I chuckled, but let me just say, I am exceedingly grateful that I worship a risen Lord, not an egg delivering rabbit, and certainly not a zombie. His mercies never end and never fail to amaze me. I have been so blessed in my life, and I am working on being more mindful of the grace that is shown to me daily.

In other news, or I should say; In Vanessa always talks about her relationship news...Josh is meeting my (extended) family today! Maybe that's why I'm still awake...I'm so excited =-) Joshua is with his church on a camping trip, that's how they celebrate Easter, and when he gets back we will be headed to my Grandma's for prime rib (or chicken, for me). I'm not nervous at all, because I know my family will adore him. I adore him. I've been missing him for the past couple days while he's been away, and I just can't wait to see him, smooch him, and show him off!

All I need in my Easter basket this year is a hug from Joshua, time with my family, and good food at Grandma's. Okay, and maybe a couple Reese's peanut butter eggs. Just sayin'.

-V

I'll be wearing blue, will you?

2010-04-02T13:25:00.002-05:00

Today is World Autism Awareness Day...did you know?

Autism now affects 1 in 110 children (1 in 70 in boys).
More children will be diagnosed with Autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined.
Autism is the fastest growing serious developmental disorder in the United States.
Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood disorders.
There is no medical detection or cure for Autism.

My experiences in working with children with Autism have been the most memorable and rewarding times of my life. It is crucial to bring awareness to this disease so that advances can be made in prevention, detection, and treatment of Autism. So, join me today in wearing blue to help support Autism Awareness, and visit the Autism Speaks website for more information.

-V

the dating vows.

2010-04-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

I will not trade intimacy for an orgasm.

I will learn from my past, not relive it.

I believe attraction and relationships are an opportunity to be blessed, and be a blessing to someone else.

I want to be loved with respectful adoration, not lustful desire.

I want to love with admiration and respect, and to be submissive and have a servant's heart, not just to fulfill some fantasy-driven gender role, but because I want to be used by God to be an earthly example of His unyielding love.

I want to be your support system, but not your crutch. Above all, I want the Lord to be my rock and yours as well.

I want us to build each other up and always be held accountable not only to each other, but to our God.

I want pleasure to come from a place of innocence and true love, not sinfulness and greed.

I must be careful with my words and actions and keep my motivations pure.

I will pray for wisdom, faith and trust. Especially for trust.

I struggle with fear and trust. I immerse myself in doubt and worry. I need to learn to let go of my constant need to know.

I can't predict the outcome of our relationship, or your actions, but I can control my actions.

Pride must be banished from my vocabulary. I should remind myself daily of the rich blessings I have been given and vow to try in earnest to be a blessing to those around me.

-V

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Songs:

"Better Life" Keith Urban

Mom, don't freak out.

2010-04-01T12:54:00.004-05:00

I'm not getting married. But seriously, somebody needs to. There are just way too many gorgeous wedding fashions floating around for me to obsess over. So, if you are getting married, please invite me. I need to get my wedding fix so my mother can stop worrying. She thinks I have marriage and babies on the brain.

So, like most things, I figured blogging about it would help get this silly obsession out of my system.

Here are some of my favorites:

birdcage veils

ribbons and lace, lace, lace!

feathers as bouquet

perfect for a winter wedding, no?

On another note, Happy April Fool's Day, everyone! Nobody has tricked me yet, although few have tried...we shall see. So, keep your wits about you, and have a great rest of the week! The weather is gorgeous here, and I wish the same for all of you!

-V

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Songs:

"You're so cool" Hans Zimmer

"With or Without You" Vitamin String Quartet

Follow [my boyfriend's blog] Friday!

2010-03-26T00:08:00.000-05:00

Oh hey, guess what?

Josh...has a blog. He just started writing it, so far I'm pretty sure he has just transferred some poems he's written recently onto it. But if you want to take a little peek into the mind of the man I love...peek here. It's called Friends, Lovers, or Nothing. I told you he was a John Mayer fan!

p.s. look how handsome he is in his glasses =-)

Mr. Sandman, I have a bone to pick with you...

2010-03-25T12:34:00.004-05:00

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately, and none of them have been good ones.

They started out as dreams of my boyfriend cheating on me, which is semi-normal for me because I have trust issues, whatev, don't we all? But my dream last night has been bothering me all morning. I dreamt of my ex. I guess that's all he is now, is my ex. I used to consider him one of my closest friends, but it has been made exceedingly clear to me, that is no longer the case - maybe it never was.

Last time we spoke, the ex told me he was going off to Basic Military Training at the end of this month, so I guess I understand why he's been entering my mind so often of late. But let me tell you, it is super annoying! There have been a couple times this week alone when I almost called Josh by the wrong name, usually when I was annoyed or upset...go figure.

So, anyways, this dream. It took place in my church. He was there and gigantically tall. I mean, he's a tall guy, but in my dream he was massive. At first he was cold, no surprises there, but before he left he grabbed my hand with tears in his eyes. I wish I could remember what was said, but I can't. I just remember telling him how proud of him I am.

I guess that's it, then. I'm proud of him. For the man he is, and for the man he is working so hard to become. He's in a stable relationship (seemingly, I don't really know the details), which is something that eluded him (and certainly us) in the past. He is going after his goals with determination I always knew he had in him, and my only regret is that we have lost contact and I am not able to adequately praise and support him on his journey. I have learned a lot over the past few years, but perhaps the most important thing is this;

I love permanently.

I am incapable of temporary, conditional love. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not in love with everyone I have dated in the past, and I am definitely not the picture of perfection and love in the eyes of all of my exes. Absolutely not. I do, however, have a lot of love in my heart for this man who made up such a big part of my life for so long, and I have no doubt that I always will. If he ever needs an ear or a shoulder, he has a spot on mine. When we love, we give a little piece of ourselves to our beloved and take a little piece in return. When I was a little girl I was warned about this by my parents, Sunday school teachers, and pastors, as if giving a little piece of your heart away makes you incomplete.

In my experience, I have found this to be false. God is good. He loves me, and will never leave me feeling empty or incomplete, unless I push him away and try to fill my life with the pleasures and trappings of this world. I have made many mistakes in the past, in my own life, and in relationships. I have learned from them, tenfold. I am so blessed to have Joshua in my life, he teaches me of God's unconditional, agape love for me, daily. He has been in my life for over ten years, and has seen me at my worst. Actually, he was the person I knew I could always call, and has given me an ear or a shoulder on several occasions, even when he had feelings for me that I was too wrapped up in myself to reciprocate. He is the friend I strive to be. He encourages me to grow in my faith, and to forgive the hurt in my past, and myself for my part in it. He loves me...permanently. Maybe that's why we work.

Getting back to my original topic, my dreams. Does anybody feel like interpreting them for me? If you know me at all, you know that I psycho-analyze and over-analyze pretty darn near everything, so you can imagine my frustration in trying to make sense of my silly subconscious. Here's what I've gathered thus far; I have trust issues, I still love my ex (in my own dysfunctional-functional way), and I have got to start letting things go. Oh well, I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[Psalm 139:14] The rest will work itself out.

I hope everyone is having a great first week of spring, enjoy the sunny weather, and I wish you all sweet dreams!

xoxo,

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Songs:

"Your Ex-Lover is Dead" Stars

"Unstoppable" Rascall Flatts

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

I am so glad spring is officially [finally] here!

The snow is melting and the sunshine is slowly returning after months of dreariness and weeks of rain.

Yippee!

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Songs:

"Here comes the Sun" The Beatles

"Brighter than Sunshine" Aqualung

Fill in the Blank Fun!

2010-03-18T13:56:00.003-05:00

Julia over at The World is My Oyster is one of my favorite bloggers, if you don't follow her blog...start! I saw this fun little activity and just had to join in!

1. The best day ever was the day I spent on the beach in S. Padre with my best friend and family. The beach house was our little piece of heaven!

2. My favorite meal of the day is lunch because I usually share it with my honey! If you need a weight-loss tip, hang out with my human garbage disposal of a boyfriend, you'll never finish a meal again! =)

3. This weekend will be spent at work instead of basking in the sun. BOO!

4. Never in my life have I been issued a speeding ticket.

5. The only thing better than Josh's smile is his laugh.

6. I could really do with some fresh air and SUNLIGHT! These florescent lights and cubicle walls are killing me!

7. The most recent thing I bought myself was a new handbag. Giant, Black, Coach, Fabulous!

p-p-p-p-poker face

2010-03-09T02:22:00.003-06:00

I am becoming such a hermit.

Last night I challenged Josh to a game of cards. We played war, 21, and slap jack. Yup, slap jack. I won. 2-3. I'm really diggin' this cozy, comfy, relationship thing.

That's all I've got for ya tonight, folks. How was YOUR day? =)

-V

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Songs:

"Home" Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

A toast to the host of men we boast...

2010-03-06T11:01:00.011-06:00

Best of luck to you, Airman.

You'll always have a friend in me.

-V

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Songs:

"I Wish You Love" Lisa Ono

"My Wish" Rascall Flatts

"Orinthology" Charlie Parker